As Long As It’s A Tofu Hat

(I am a zookeeper, and am taking care of five lions which are new arrivals. We’ve set up a natural habitat for them and they are ready to be introduced to their new home. I press the button that raises the gate between their cage and the habitat, and they begin to examine their new surroundings. As I do this, I get tapped on the shoulder by a visitor.)

Visitor: “New arrivals?”

Me: “Yes, just got here this morning.”

Visitor: “What do they eat?”

Me: “Well, meat, of course.”

Visitor: *nods* “I thought so. Then, I am just in time. We need to protect these poor animals!”

(The visitor hands me a poster about being a vegetarian. I look at it, and then look back at her.)

Me: “So these lions should NOT eat meat?”

Visitor: “No, of course not! There are enough healthy alternatives, as listed on this poster!”

Me: “I don’t think the lions would agree with that. However, they do eat vegetarians, cows, and so on, you know. Nature.”

Visitor: “Oh, no!” *turns to the lions* “I’ll bring tofu tomorrow. You’ll like it!”

(As she leaves, a female coworker who has overheard the conversation chimes in.)

Coworker: “If she can do that, I’ll eat my hat!”