As Helpless As A Baby

Me: “Welcome to *** Airlines. How can I help today?”

Caller: “I need to book a ticket for my husband for May 3rd, from Tampa to Grand Rapids, Michigan.”

Me: “Thanks. Would he prefer morning, afternoon, or evening flights?”

Caller: “What does that mean?”

Me: “The morning flight leaves in the morning, at 6:45 am. The afternoon flight leaves at 1:20 pm in the afternoon. The evening flight leaves at 6:25 pm.”

Caller: “Can he get there in time?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. That depends on where he’s leaving from, and how far he has to drive to the airport.”

Caller: “Oh. And those are all on May 3rd?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “My doctor’s inducing my labor on May 2nd. Will he get here in time?”

Me: “I really don’t know how long your labor will last, ma’am. That’s something you should probably consult your doctor about.”

Caller: “But is May 2nd the same day?”

Me: *baffled* “The same day as…?”

Caller: “The same day as May 3rd!”

Me: “No, ma’am. May 3rd is the day after May 2nd.”

Caller: “But what if it’s 5 in the morning?”

Me: “It’s either 5 in the morning on May 2nd, or 5 in the morning on May 3rd.”

Caller: “But is it the same day?”

Me: “Maybe you should have your husband call to book his own flight, because he’ll know how long it takes to get to the airport.”

Caller: “That’s a good idea. Should he book it for May 2nd or May 3rd?”

Me: “You should probably ask your doctor first.”

Caller: “I guess. You people make it so complicated to buy a ticket!”