Arnold Palmer Says You’re At Tea Total

(I am at college, and my dad has come to visit. We decide to grab a quick bite to eat before he goes back home. Our order is being taken.)

Dad: “Can I have an Arnold Palmer?” *half lemonade half iced-tea*

Cashier: “We are not allowed to mix drinks, sorry.”

Dad: “Do you have lemonade?”

Cashier: “Yes.”

Dad: “Do you have iced-tea?”

Cashier: “Yes.”

Dad: “All right, then mix them!”

Cashier: “The lemonade is fresh and costs a different amount than the iced tea. I’m not allowed to mix drinks.”

Dad: “No one will know.”

Cashier: “It’s against the rules. Which would you like?”

Dad: “An Arnold Palmer.”

Cashier: “I cannot do that.”

Dad: “Yes, you can. You’re just too lazy to—”

Me: “Give it up, dad! She can’t do it. It’s not her fault. You’re probably not the first person to yell at her, and it didn’t change anything. If you want something to change, write to somebody who is in control of the company! It is not her fault!”

Dad: “It is her fault! I want an Arnold Palmer! [Other Restaurant] gives me Arnold Palmers!”

Me: “They have different rules.” *to Cashier* “He’ll get a number five with a lemonade. I’ll get a number five with an iced tea. Could you give us an extra cup?”

(Cashier nods and puts in the order, hands us receipt. My dad takes the receipt and a pen and starts scribbling angrily on the back.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Dad: “Writing to management.”

Me: “You think they’ll take you seriously if you’re writing on a receipt?”

(My dad blushes, folds the receipt, and puts it in his pocket and goes to sit down. I apologize to the cashier, get the order, then go sit down with him. I take the extra cup and fill it half with iced-tea, half with lemonade, and hand it to him.)

Dad: “But [Other Restaurant] gives me an Arnold Palmer!”