Aren’t You Just A (Lot Of) Ham?

(I am just about to finish my long shift at the deli when a middle-aged lady on her phone wanders up to the counter.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *doesn’t glance up from phone* “I would like the ham you have on special today.”

Me: “Of course. How much would you like?”

Customer: “Three kilograms.”

Me: “Um, you want three kilos?”

Customer: “Yes.” *still hasn’t looked up*

Me: *slowly starts to get the ham out* “You’re sure, three kilos?”

Customer: “Yes.” *annoyed sigh*

Me: “Okay, then…”

(I start to get all the ham out, a little confused.)

Me: “There isn’t enough ham in the case; I’ll have to slice some up for you from out the back. It will take an extra few minutes. Is that okay?”

(The customer rolls her eyes but nods anyway, still not looking away from her phone.)

Me: “Just double checking that you would like three kilos of ham?”

Customer: “Yes! It’s not that hard.”

(I finish it up and go to hand it to her.)

Me: “There you go, have a great day!”

(The customer finally glances up at the wrapped ham, taking it and looking at the label.)

Customer: “What?! Three kilos? That’s way too much! I wanted 300 grams, not three kilos! Are you an idiot? It’s not that hard!”

Me: “I double and triple checked with you; you asked for three kilos. I’m afraid I can’t take it back after you’ve ordered it.”

(The customer screams for the manager who has been serving a customer next to me and has heard the whole thing.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, miss, but I also heard you ask for three kilos. I’m afraid you will have to purchase that ham.”

(The customer ranted and raved about how this is the worst store in town, etc. The manager eventually walked her to the registers and made her pay for the $45 worth of ham she’d ordered!)