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Aren’t There More Important Things To Worry About?!

, , , | Related | August 21, 2021

My grandma is notorious for judging how we look and what we wear. She doesn’t get outright confrontational, but she comments all the time in a way which is sometimes “funny” — which it really isn’t — or “questioning” why we wear something, which is really just supposed to tell us she hates it. I would love to answer wittily, but I can never think of a good comeback fast enough. It has gone so far that my brother wears his most worn-out clothes whenever he is visiting Grandma to show her he won’t give in to her. Some of her comments go like this.

We were wearing camouflage pants.

Grandma: “Oh, you look so funny with your colourful pants!”

This is “Grandma” for “I don’t like that.”

Another time, I got a black piercing in my eyebrow.

Grandma: “Oh, did you get a piercing?”

Me: “Yes, I did.”

Grandma: “Oh, I was about to say you have a tick on your face.”

Cue me intentionally not reacting.

Grandma: “But you’re taking that back out, right?”

Me: “No, I’m not. I didn’t get this just to get rid of it again.”

The best and most memorable moment was the day of my brother’s wedding. In Germany, if you want to marry in church, you first have to do a legal wedding with a state-issued official. Most people who have their “big day” in church don’t dress up as fancily for the legal wedding as they do for church. My sister-in-law, for example, wore black pants, nice but sporty shoes, and a colourful shirt with flowers in it. Of course, this was not fancy enough for good old Grandma. However, my sister-in-law doesn’t take s***. When Grandma saw her after getting dressed, she tried one of her questions again, looking her up and down.

Grandma: “Oh, are you ready already?”

My sister-in-law was not having it.

Sister-In-Law: “Yes. And [Brother] will marry me like this, too!”

It’s been three years since the wedding and I still draw on that awesome comeback.