Are You Prepared For What Happens When I Throw You Out?

, , , , , | Friendly | April 30, 2020

I have a sign on my gate that says, among other things, “NO RELIGIOUS INQUIRIES.”

I’m enjoying a Saturday when my doorbell rings. At my front door is a woman in extremely casual dress; she looks like a biker chick. There are various females outside my gate. I’m instantly cautious.

Me: “Hello.”

Woman: “I see by your sign that you don’t want religious inquiries, but I’m not here to talk about religion. I just want to give you a gift. But before I give you the gift, I just want to ask, are you ready for what happens to your soul after you die?”

The girls and other women behind the gate look uncomfortable.

Me: “You need to leave.” 

She protests.

Woman: “I didn’t make any religious inquire-eyes! I just offered you a gift!”

Me: “You need to leave.”

Woman: “But I’m offering you a gift!”

Me: “Leave now.”

She left, but I wish I had called the police. In my jurisdiction, ignoring the sign is trespassing. And yes, asking me if I’m prepared for the afterlife is a religious inquiry. Across the street, I could see the male division of her party harassing my neighbor.

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