Aquariums Make Me Crabby

I was at an aquarium one time with my two daughters when they were toddlers. I saw a tank that was labelled “King Crabs,” and there was this big, ugly, gnarly, and leggy-looking thing staring back at me. The tank was set into the wall, so this big guy was at eye level with me. I was feeling slightly unnerved at the size of this thing.

Three-Year-Old: “Oh, look, Mummy! There’s his mama.”

She pointed behind the crab that I was looking at, and there behind it was the biggest monster I had ever seen! I screamed and dragged the kids away from the tank.

Yes, the huge King Crab I had been looking at was the baby! Mama scared the bejesus out of me, and I have stayed clear of aquariums ever since. And of course, my girls, now grown up, like to remind me of the time I got the s*** scared out of me by a mama crab.