Applying Death Rays To Good Names

(I’m talking to my sister in the car. Somehow the conversation came to what hilariously horrible names we would give our kids if we had them. It’s well known that my sister and I don’t actually like or want kids.)

Sister: “You know, I think Chlorine actually sounds like a good name for a girl.”

Me: “Chlorine? You’d name your kid after a deadly chemical that they pour in pool water?”

Sister: “Okay, so what would you name your kids?”

Me: “I’m going to marry a guy whose last name is Ray and I’d name our kid Laser. His middle name will be Death.”

Sister: “‘Laser Death Ray’? And you dare to mock the name Chlorine?”

Mom: “Are either of you even going to have kids?”

Me: “Of course. Just remember that if you turn on the news one day and see a woman who looks exactly like me taking a baby from the maternity ward, it’s totally not me!”