Anything Could Spark Him Off

(A woman is looking at the spark plug we have on the floor. She seems confused about what she needs, so I go to her to help her pick the right one.)

Me: “Are you having trouble finding the spark plugs you need?”

Woman: “Yes! My husband sent me to pick new spark plugs for his car. He gave me an old one to make sure I get the right one, but they all look the same!”

Me: “Well, just come to the counter and I’ll help you find the right one. I’ll just need some information about the car. Which year, make, model, and engine size is it?”

Woman: “I think it’s a Ford. It’s a car for sure, not a truck. Pretty sure it’s a Ford. I’m not sure of the year. I think he got it in 2008. Or 2009. But I don’t know if it was new or not. And for the model, it’s the one with 4 doors. It’s grey, too!”

Me: “Okay. Well, I need more precise info. But it’s all right. I can usually do a cross-reference with the old spark plug you have to see what I have in stock.”

Woman: “Oh! That’s great. I really don’t know anything about cars, as you can see. My husband sent me because he hates dealing with you people. He thinks you are all incompetent jerks.”

(I take the spark plug and start checking for cross-reference numbers. However, I can soon sense this will turn bad because the spark plug I hold is made by a company I’ve never heard of. It looks like a cheap Chinese knockoff. To make sure, I ask my coworkers if they’ve ever seen this brand. None have, and it is not listed in our cross-reference book.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It appears that this brand of spark plug is not listed in our cross-reference books. I’ll have to make a couple of calls to the manufacturers to see if they can match it.”

Woman: “It’s okay. I’ll wait. My husband will be really pissed off if I don’t come back with the spark plugs.”

(While I’m waiting on the phone for a manufacturer hotline to answer, her cell phone rings. I can clearly hear her conversation.)

Woman: “They are looking if they can do cross-reference to find the good one.”

Husband: “Why the f*** were not able to find one by yourself? Now you’ll have to deal with those f***** morons that work there. It’s not too f****** hard to find one d*** spark plug. F****** useless woman! You’re all the same. Don’t make me come there. They’ll f****** regret it!”

(By this time, the manufacturer have told me they cannot cross reference this spark plug, and they’ve never heard of this brand before.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. I’ll absolutely need the car information. I cannot do a cross-reference on this plug. Nobody’s seem to have heard of this brand before.”

Woman: “I was sure this would happen. My husband likes to buy stuff on the internet because he says your store is ripping off people. He says you’re all thieves. His cheap spark plug stopped working and he’s having all sort of problem with the car ever since. But I really don’t know what car he has.”

Me: “Can you call him and ask him?”

Woman: “He’ll be pissed off. Too bad for him. He should have come here by himself.”

(She calls her husband on my phone and tells him I need some info on his car.)

Husband: “What do you f****** need to know?”

Me: “Just basic information, sir. Year, make, model, and engine size.”

Husband: “It’s a f****** Ford. Now gave my wife the spark plugs.”

Me: “Sorry. I still need the year and engine size.”

Husband: “I ain’t giving that to you. You’ll know what I’ll drive and you’ll try to rip me off.”

Me: “Look. If you don’t want to tell me what kind of car you have, it’s fine. But don’t expect to get spark plugs.”

Husband: YOU F****** B****! YOU’LL GET YOUR SORRY A** ON THE FLOOR AND LOOK AT EACH AND EVERY F****** SPARK PLUG YOU HAVE AND FIND THE ONES I NEED, AND GAVE THEM TO MY ME SO I CAN FINISH MY F****** CAR.

Me: “Like I said, I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do in this situation. I will not go on the floor and look at the hundreds of different spark plugs models and lose countless hours because you are too lazy to come up here and buy them yourself, and too paranoid to give me the basic information I need. So I cannot help you and I will terminate this call right now.”

(The woman told me to not worry; she’d go to her friend’s place for a couple of hours, like she always did when he’s angry at something. She warned me that he would probably come and make all kinds of trouble. As she said, a couple of hours later a guy came in the store with a handful of old spark plugs. He started throwing them at the employees, all the time yelling about how we are thieves and that women are useless pieces of meat. We had to call the police to have him removed from the store. His case went to court and, thankfully, he was sent to anger management class!)