Another Gen Z Innovation: Self-Kidnapping Children!

, , , , , , | Friendly | February 13, 2020

(My apartment complex has a large playground in the middle where kids from all over the neighborhood come to play, even on cold days. One Saturday, I am coming out to the car to go to the store, but I have to scrape ice off of the car. I unlock my car, pull out the scraper, and then start scraping the frost off my windows. When I get around to working on the back window, I see some movement by the driver door. I turn to look just in time to see a little boy, about eight or so, opening the door and climbing inside.)

Me: “Hey!”

(Before I can circle around the trunk, he pulls the door shut and I hear the sound of the locks locking on the car. I walk up to the driver door and he is sitting there with that mischievous grin kids have when they are doing something they know is bad but think is exciting. I knock on the window.)

Me: “Kid, you need to get out.”

(He just keeps grinning. I look around and see a woman making her way over. I think she is the kid’s mom, coming to get him and apologize. Silly me.)

Woman: “What are you doing to my baby?! Get away from my boy!”

Me: “Then get him out of my car!”

(I back up, but she just stands on the sidewalk by the front of the car and glares at me, like I shoved her kid into my car myself or something. After a few seconds, I lose patience and circle around, quickly scraping off the passenger windows. I then go to the rear door on the passenger side. Because my car is so old, the lock on that door doesn’t actually work, but it would cost too much to actually replace the whole thing, so I just live with it. I pull the door open and the kid’s face immediately goes from gleeful to wide-eyed surprised. The mom comes circling around the front.)

Woman: “Get away! Get away from my baby boy!”

Me: “THEN. GET. HIM. OUT. OF. MY. CAR.”

(Apparently, me shouting with no door between me and him was scary enough for the kid to decide to get out. He unlocked the door and shoved it open, banging my neighbor’s car, and ran off. Naturally, the mom didn’t go check on him. Nope, she kept yelling at me about staying away from her boy and about how she was going to call his uncle and have him come whoop me. I just closed the door, circled back around, climbed in the driver’s seat, and drove off, leaving her screaming on the sidewalk. Luckily, when I got back, there was no sign of her or her kid, and I haven’t seen her since then. I was able to explain the dent in my neighbor’s car to the owner, who laughed it off, and we both laughed about the messed-up mom.)

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