Anger Rising, Just Like The Plane

I’m moving from a small seaside town in Australia back home to New Zealand. This involves a flight from the small town to Adelaide, Adelaide to Melbourne, and then finally from Melbourne to New Zealand. There are long stopovers in Adelaide and Melbourne, meaning the trip will take the better part of 24 hours.

My partner is staying in Australia for a couple of months to finish out a lucrative contract, so we’ll be long distance for that time. To top it off, I manage to get food poisoning, so I spend the trip throwing up in airport and airplane bathrooms. I’m feeling totally miserable.

Staff have been fantastic and have moved me to the back row of the plane by the bathrooms. The back of the plane is mostly empty, and I have the entire row to myself. I’m on the final flight from Melbourne to home and they have announced that all passengers must be in their assigned seats for takeoff and landing. Being so close to done, I can’t wait to get home and into bed. 

Another passenger has moved to the row opposite me and spread out, despite the air hostess asking him multiple times to return to his assigned seat. She even promises that she’ll save the row for him so he can move back after takeoff. 

The man is getting more and more belligerent and refuses to move, wanting to know why he can’t stay. I can hear staff discussing if they need to delay takeoff and have him removed by security.  

I’m sick, exhausted, and just want to get home. So I snap. It should also be noted that I’m barely five feet tall and I’m wearing a sparkly pink jumper at this point. 

“Listen here, you f****** idiot. They’ve asked you to sit in your assigned seat for takeoff and landing because that’s when the plane is most likely to crash. The likelihood of surviving a crash is slim to none, so the hope is, if you’re in your seat and buckled in, your charred, mangled corpse will still be tethered to it. That way DVI (disaster victim identification) experts like myself can match your body to your seat number as an identification start point and maybe give your family something to bury! Furthermore, civil aviation law requires you to comply with all crew instructions. So, get your f****** a** up and back to your seat before you’re thrown off and arrested, and piss me off further than you already have!” 

The man — and air hostesses — look shocked, but he quietly gets up and moves back. 

I apologize to the air hostesses for my outburst and language. But they tell me there is no need and they can’t have been nicer, bringing me ginger ale and crackers after takeoff. 

Shockingly, the guy doesn’t try to move back to the empty row after takeoff.

This story is part of our Terrible Airline Passengers roundup!

Read the next Terrible Airline Passengers roundup story!

Read the Terrible Airline Passengers roundup!