And Take The Boyfriend With You, Weirdo!

CONTENT WARNING: Sexual Assault (Before story events), Abusive Relationship, Adult Content

A story about an unwelcome houseguest snooping around his host’s house reminded me of this.

Around twenty-five years ago, I was living in a small one-bedroom apartment with my boyfriend-at-the-time. One day, I got a call from him saying that he was out with friends at the gas station on the highway exit, and he’d met an ex-Army guy who was hitchhiking and needed a place to stay for the night. [Boyfriend] had offered [Ex-Army] our place to stay for a few days, and now he wanted me to come pick the guy up and take him to our house, because [Boyfriend] wasn’t done hanging out with friends and didn’t want to do it.

I was not comfortable with any of it, because I’d been raped a few months earlier and didn’t feel safe having strangers in my house, but my relationship with [Boyfriend] was really bad, and I was so beaten down by then that I was incapable of standing up for myself. When I said no, [Boyfriend] told me I was being mean and uncharitable and should be ashamed of myself.

So, I drove out to the gas station and picked [Ex-Army] up. He gave me a story about how he’d just gotten out of the Army, they’d left him stranded, and he was trying to get home. I was 90% sure that was either BS or at least not the whole story, but what do I know? I’ve never been in the military, so I don’t know what happens when they discharge someone.

I picked the guy up and took him home. I had been in the middle of deep cleaning the apartment, so I went back to doing that. [Ex-Army] sat down at my computer and just watched me clean. I found some empty soda bottles under the couch, so I pulled them out and tossed them in the bin.

Ex-Army: “If you’re pulling bottles out of the couch, your cleaning really sucks.”

I told him we’d had family over and I was cleaning up from that, which was actually true. He rolled his eyes at me.

Ex-Army: “Yeah, sure.”

I got things clean, brought out bedding for the guy so he could sleep on the couch, and then barricaded myself in my room until [Boyfriend] came home.

[Boyfriend] got home late. He thanked me for picking the guy up so he didn’t have to interrupt his social plans, which I’m 95% sure involved illicit drugs. Then, he told me that another friend of his had also offered to let [Ex-Army] stay at her apartment, but [Boyfriend] had insisted on letting the guy stay with us.

I was thinking, “Why did you do this when you knew I was uncomfortable and someone else volunteered?” But I kept my mouth shut.

By then, it was bedtime. [Boyfriend] went to bed, and I went through my nightly ritual of lighting sage incense and meditating.

[Ex-Army] started complaining that it smelled like pot.

Me: “It’s not, but if it was, it’s rude to comment on it.”

He rolled his eyes again.

Ex-Army: “Yeah, sure.”

[Ex-Army]’s next comment was to pointedly ask me if there was just one bedroom in our apartment, because [Boyfriend] and I were the same sex, and that bothered [Ex-Army].

I barricaded the bedroom door again. When we got up in the morning, [Ex-Army] was already up.

This time, his complaint was that our “adult videos” were boring.

The guy had spent the whole night awake in our living room and had snooped around, found, and watched the “adult videos”, which had been put away where little siblings couldn’t find them when we had family over.

I was so done. I handed [Boyfriend] the phone and told him that was it, he was calling his friend to see if she was still willing to put up with this guy. We’d given the guy courtesy, and I wanted him out of my house.

[Boyfriend] was starting to feel uncomfortable enough by then that he agreed. I warned his friend what [Ex-Army] was like, and she was still okay giving the guy a place to stay for a few days.

I don’t know what became of [Ex-Army] after that, but I did hear from [Boyfriend]’s friend that [Ex-Army] behaved the same way at her place.