And I Wasn’t Even Wearing My Employee Costume

It is Halloween, and I’m shopping, standing in the baking aisle of a crafts store. I am wearing a Halloween sweater, a skirt with a book pattern all over it, and combat boots. I have a handbag over my shoulder and keys in my hand.

Old Lady: “You! Hey!”

Me: “Me?”

Old Lady: “You work here?”

Me: “No?”

Old Lady: *Shouting* “I need someone to cut some fabric for me!”

Me: “Oh, I think there are some cashiers at the registers in the front.”

Old Lady: *Shouting louder* “I don’t want to have to walk back up there!”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

I go back to looking at frosting tips.

Old Lady: “Well?!”

Me: “Huh?”

Old Lady: “My fabric?!”

Me: “I don’t think the actual employees would want me doing that.”

Old Lady: *Sneering* “Oh, like you’re so busy?”

Me: “I DON’T WORK HERE.”

Old Lady: “Then what are you doing here?!”

Me: “Spending some hard-earned American money?”

Old Lady: “Don’t get sassy! I’m going to report you to a manager!”

Me: “They have no jurisdiction over me. Do you want to call my mom?”