An Unorthodox Method Of Ignorance

(Because it’s before Passover I’m helping my grandmother prepare the food. I’m lesbian, which my parents and most of my friends are okay with. However, the rest of my Orthodox Jewish family likes to pretend that it isn’t true.)

Grandma: “How’s school going? Are you getting good grades? How are your teachers and your friends? Oh, and do you have a boyfriend yet?”

Me: “Grandma, I’m gay.”

Grandma: “Oh, don’t be silly. Is that your way of telling me that you have a boyfriend? I won’t tell. Is he hot?”

Me: “GRANDMA! I told you, no boyfriends. I have a very nice girlfriend, thank you very much.”

Grandma: “Of course you don’t. You’re a very smart young lady, and I won’t have that talk in my house.”

Me: “Thanks, but being smart has nothing to do with being gay.”

Grandma: *laughs condescendingly* “Now I’m not so sure you’re smart! But I want great-grandchildren, you hear?”

(We keep arguing for a while. Finally, I decide to leave.)

Me: “Grandma, I have to go. I have some homework to finish up.”

Grandma: “Good girl! And remember: GRANDKIDS!”