An Unhappy Meal

(The majority of my calls tend to come from the technologically deficient users attempting to access our online banking site.)

Caller: “I can’t get into your website. Are you having problems?”

Me: *verifies website is working normally* “No, ma’am, our website appears to be working just fine. There might be an issue with your computer. What web browser are you using?”

Caller: “McDonald’s.”

Me: “Pardon me, but did you say McDonald’s?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Are you using the Internet at McDonald’s?”

Caller: “Of course, that is what I just told you.”

Me: “Okay, but I need to know what program you are using to get onto our website.”

Caller: “I already told you. I’m using McDonald’s.”

Me: “I understand you are using their Internet access, but I need to know what program you are using. Could it be Internet Explorer, Firefox, Google Chrome, or Opera?”

Caller: *in a rather desperate tone* “I already told you. I’m using McDonald’s.”

Me: “I understand. What does the icon that you clicked on look like? Is it a blue ‘E’ with a gold halo?”

Caller: “How would I know that?”

Me: “Look on your desktop and…”

Caller: “How many times do I have to tell you that I’m at McDonald’s?”

Me: “Ma’am, the desktop is what you see when you turn the computer on.”

(This conversation went on for 20 minutes before we finally figured out she was using Internet Explorer. The issue was that her Java was out of date. Way out of date. Talking her through updating Java took an additional 15 minutes. After the conversation, I walked into my boss’s office and informed him that I qualified for hazard pay.)