An Underage Drinking Story To Make You Laugh

(I have my wisdom teeth pulled when I am 17. As soon as they tell me they are using laughing gas I start breathing that in as fast as I can because, well, I am 17. After they take the mask off and wait for me to pass out I start talking to the doctor like a chipmunk on crack.)

Me: “Woo! Good stuff. I’m not really into drugs, I mean I’ve tried a bunch but the side effects never sit well with me so I just don’t do them. I have done whippits though. Awesome! Kind of like this. This is great but I’m more of a drinker. OH! About a month ago I went to a house party where the guy’s parents weren’t home and the cops got called. I walked out the back door and stood by a bush and just watched as these two cops chased around everyone else. They had no clue I was there because luckily I wear all black all the time. Hey, you are really cute for a dentist… How old…”

(And then I realize he is looking over my head at the door. I turn my head and see my mother standing there.)

Me: “How long has she been there? You could–” *whipping my head around back to the dentist* “–warn a girl! You are so not getting my number now.”

(I think I finally blacked out after that. When I woke up I had a mouth full of cotton and kept telling my mom I was excited to eat ice cream. Oddly enough, my mother has never asked me about the underage drinking story I was telling so I think I’m in the clear. It has been 15 years.)