An Oscar Major Weiner

(An older man comes in as I open the store. He seems innocent enough and is roughly 80 years old. When he comes up to the checkout we make idle chat, until I’ve scanned all of his groceries.)

Me: “That’ll be $42.99 today.”

Customer: “I won an Oscar. Do you want to see it?”

Me: “Sure!”

(He quickly runs out of the store, leaving his groceries there before shortly returning. He is holding a fake Oscar, but looks very proud so I humor him.)

Customer: “Look!”

Me: “It’s very nice. What did you win it for?”

Customer: “Read the inscription!”

(The inscription says “Longest Standing Member.” By now, I was confused out of my mind, until the old man snickered and moved his hand, revealing the statue had large private parts standing out.)

Me: *speechless, but quietly laughing*

Customer: “My wife got this for our anniversary!”