An Eye-Popping Transaction

(It’s my last day at my store, so I’m more relaxed and friendlier with customers than usual, making off the wall jokes that most have appreciated. I’ve mostly been filling balloon orders while my coworkers work the registers and man the aisles. It’s fifteen minutes to closing when a grumpy older woman comes in and slaps a pack of balloons down.)

Customer: “I need these filled up now. How much are they?”

Me: “We usually charge the normal rate for balloons bought outside our store. However I can blow them up for a dollar instead.” *this is thirty cents cheaper per balloon*

Customer: “That’s too much. I’m not paying that.”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t blow your balloons up, then. We do have a tank over there for twenty five dollars that you can use, though.”

Customer: “WHAT? I need these done right now! I don’t have time to go anywhere else. I need them done! I have a party I’m supposed to be at. Fine, I’ll pay; just hurry up!”

(I’m one of the faster people on the helium tanks, but she’s yelling at me the whole time I’m blowing up all fifteen balloons. As soon as I’m done, she pulls out another pack that has glow-in-the-dark lights inside.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, we can’t blow those up. They have metal pieces inside, and if one of the balloons were to pop, it could hurt someone.”

Customer: “That makes no sense at all! You blew all of those up without popping them. You’re just being lazy! Blow those up or I’m reporting you.”

Me: “One of those can pop and hit me in the eye. I’m not losing my eyesight because you want them blown up.”

Customer: “Listen to me. My grandson wants these balloons blown up. You are going to blow them up, or I swear, I’m going to make your life miserable.” *shoves the balloons at me again* “Now get to blowing them up! I am not going to wait around while you make any more stupid excuses.”

Me: “So, it’s okay for me to lose my eye because your grandson really wants these blown up, huh?”

Customer: *stuttering* “That’s not what I said at all! You’re putting words in my mouth now. I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal out of blowing up ten balloons, all because some metal might shoot out at you or not.”

Me: “That’s a big chance of might. Are you going to pay for my doctor bills?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “My doctor bills. I can’t afford to pay for surgery to repair or remove my eye. Are you going to pay for it?”

Customer: “No… what are you talking about?”

Me: “Are you going to pay for my recuperation while I’m out of a job? I won’t be able to drive if I lose my eye, which means I won’t be able to come to work. Are you going to pay my bills?”

Customer: *stares at me like I’m insane* “I’ll just take these fifteen, then.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s all fun and games until you get reminded that we’re human beings, too, huh? Have a nice day.”

(My manager called the next day to tell me I was over the top, but she was laughing as she said it. When the woman called to complain the next day, she demanded to have me fired, and my manager told her I couldn’t be fired; I didn’t work there. Apparently, it confused the woman, and she hung up.)