An Explosive Realization

(I am an experienced international traveller, so I tend to take it very easy when passing through customs and immigration. A few years ago I took my boyfriend to Europe for his first ever trip overseas, and we made it a big one: flying into London, taking the train across the channel, visiting Paris and Cologne, and then flying home from Germany. I manage to mortify him at both ends of the trip by speaking thoughtlessly to airport security.)

UK Immigration Agent: “And how long will your visit be?”

Me: “We’ll be here for four days, and then we’ll take the train to Paris.”

UK Immigration Agent: “And will you be coming back to the UK?”

Me: *genuinely confused* “Uh, I don’t know. This is my first time here, so I don’t know if I’ll like it.”

Boyfriend: *exasperated face-palm*

Me: “Oh! You mean on this trip! No, we’re continuing on to Germany and flying home from there.”

UK Immigration Agent: *stamps our passports and waves us through*

Boyfriend: “Can’t you wait until AFTER they let us in before saying stuff like that?”

(Two weeks later, we are in Frankfurt, preparing to fly home. We don’t feel like we are running late, but somehow we manage to be the last ones to board, and of course the security agents decide to pick us for the random explosives check.)

Airport Security: “May I take your camera to test it for traces of explosives, please?”

Me: “Really? Oh, sure, that’s fine.” *I hand it over and start “thinking out loud” to my boyfriend* “Strange that they singled out the camera and not any of the other things in our bags, like our laptops or tablets or handheld gaming devices. Hmmm… Oh, I suppose it’s because an SLR camera is basically a sealed, empty box, so there would be a risk of people smuggling explosives inside them…”

Boyfriend: “Stop… talking… NOW.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Boyfriend: “We’re standing at an airport security terminal and you’re speculating OUT LOUD about the best ways to smuggle explosives onto an aircraft! SHUT UP!”

Me: “But I was just wondering why—”

Boyfriend: “SHUT UP NOW.”

(We got my camera back and boarded without any issues, but my boyfriend had a story to tell for years afterwards of the time I tried to get us arrested in Frankfurt.)