An Evergreen State Even During Twilight

(I’m from Washington State, which, during Twilight’s glory days, was an endlessly annoying factoid. If I even breathed my home state, Twilight groupies would sometimes swarm me for info. Sometimes the questions were harmless and, more often than not, people found it endlessly amusing when I debunked myths about the places that were incorrect in the book. On one occasion, I swear I am going to be lynched.)

Me: *talking to [Friend #1]* “My dad took me up to Forks a long time ago for some business trip. He was meeting an associate up there. It took a whole day just to get there.”

Friend #2: “No, it didn’t. It takes a few hours if you drive fast enough.”

Me: “The speed limit on that winding, twisty pretzel of a road is at best thirty. Any faster and you fly over the ledge of the cliffs.”

Friend #2: “Bulls***. You can get there in, like, three hours.”

Me: *rolls eyes, knowing it’s pointless* “Well, anyway, when we got up there, Dad went to do some work and I—”

Friend #2: Ooh, did you see any wolves up there?

Me: “Uh… no, I didn’t. The only wolves in Washington that I know of live in Wolf Haven International sanctuary in Tenino. That’s nowhere near Forks.”

Friend #2: “Yeah, right; I’ll bet they escape and run up there every day! Or maybe they even secretly run the place and it’s really their secret base! That’s gotta be so cool!”

Friend #1: “Have you ever even been to Forks?”

Friend #2: “No, but I don’t need to. Stephenie Meyer obviously did, since she wrote about it. I’d like to go there, though. You know, live the quiet country life and the maybe pop down into Seattle for the day and do some shopping.”

Me: “Okay. One, you cannot ‘pop down into Seattle’ from Forks like in the book. It takes at least a day to drive down there so you’d have to stay the night there. Two, even if you could drive ninety miles an hour to Forks, you would run out of gas long before reaching the place, and three, YOU CANNOT DRIVE TO FORKS IN THREE HOURS! It is physically impossible to do so without getting into a possibly lethal accident!”

Friend #2: “But it was in the book! Forks is a real place and Stephenie Meyer went there! It has to be right since she wrote about it!”

Friend #1: *to me, in an attempt to ignore our idiot friend* “Anyway, were you able to see La Push at all?”

Friend #2: Oh, come on, don’t be stupid. La Push isn’t a real place. Native Americans don’t live in Washington for real.”

(I exchanged looks with Friend #1 and sigh, and I sadly recounted Tukwila, Puyallup, Snohomish, Quileute, and Snoqualmie: all places in Washington named by various native tribes that have lived out there and still live out there. Is it any wonder why I hate the Twilight books?)