An Embarrassing Game Of Cat And Mouse

I fumble a coin in my kitchen and it rolls under the stove. Shining my flashlight under the stove to find it, I’m mortified to see the body of a mouse, staring glassy-eyed back at me. I call a pest control company and the exterminator arrives the next morning.

Exterminator: “’ll just check under your stove, get rid of the dead rodent, and check for signs of any current infestation.”

The exterminator looks under the stove.

Me: “Thank you. I try to keep things clean, and I worry about my little boy crawling around on the floor when there’s—”

Exterminator: “Sir?”

I’m surprised at being interrupted.

Me: “Yes?”

Exterminator: “Here’s your mouse.”

He holds up a little cat toy — a cloth mouse, complete with shiny little plastic eyes.

Me: “How much do I owe you for the trip? And how much extra to never, ever, speak of this again?”