An Armful Relationship

(My boyfriend is playing in a band at a local bar. I decide to go with him to see the show but I don’t know anyone besides the band. While they are performing I am going through my cellphone and soon feel someone’s breath on my neck. I turn to see a very drunk old man standing uncomfortably close to me.)

Man: *staring* “Hi.”

Me: “Um… hi?”

Man: “You’re beautiful.”

Me: *disturbed* “I’m not interested, but thanks anyway.”

Man: *slurring* “You don’t believe me, huh? Well you’re beautiful! Don’t let anyone say otherwise!”

Me: “Thanks, but I’m really not interested…”

Man: “Do you speak Spanish?”

Me: “Huh?”

Man: “You’re so pretty. Do you wanna dance?”

Me: “I really don’t.”

(All of a sudden he throws his arms in the air and blows raspberries at me. Baffled, I walk away but we eventually run into each other again. When the band finally takes a break between sets my boyfriend and I go outside for a cigarette.)

Me: “Aren’t you going to save me? He freaks me out!”

Boyfriend: “He’s just a regular. He’s drunk, like, all of the time.”

Me: “I saw you laughing at me from the stage, a**.”

(In response my boyfriend throws his arms in the air and blows raspberries at me.)

Me: *pouting* “I hate you.”

Boyfriend: *grinning* “Loooove you.”

(The old man continued to bother me until he was kicked out at closing time. Nearly two years later my boyfriend [now fiancé] and other close friends still throw their arms up and blow raspberries at me.)