An Alarming Turn Of Events

Me: “Thank you for calling [security services].”

Customer: “My keypad keeps beeping and saying low battery. What does that mean?”

(I run through some basic troubleshooting. After about ten minutes, we still can’t find the problem.)

Me: “Well, sir, I’m not exactly sure why your system is doing this. I’ll be happy to send a technician out there for you.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. By the way, my keypad seems to be on fire. Is that a bad thing?”

Me: “Yes, sir. That is really bad. Do you want me to call the fire department?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I don’t think that’s necessary, do you?”

Me: “Well, the fire may spread up the wall if it doesn’t get put out. I’d recommend spraying it with a fire extinguisher if you don’t want the fire department to come out.”

Customer: “I can’t do that!”

Me: “Why not? Do you not have a fire extinguisher?”

Customer: “No, I do! But I don’t want to be liable for damaging the alarm system by putting out the fire!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to just hang up now and call the fire department. I’d really recommend you go outside and wait for them.”

Customer: “You know, I don’t understand why you think this is such a big deal, young lady!”