Always The Same Old Yarn

(I am placed on a medication that made me gain a lot of weight very quickly, especially around the midsection. Thusly, people who had seen me before weren’t entirely used to seeing me with extra weight. I am looking for some yarn to knit a baby sweater for a friend, and I have the pattern out so I see the exact requirements for the yarn.)

Owner: “Oh look. You’re back! And I can see why you haven’t been by in so long! When are you due?”

(This is when she places her hand on my stomach.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not pregnant.”

Owner: “Sure you are! Look at that belly!”

Me: *with a great deal of sarcasm since people are now beginning to stare* “Yes, thank you for bringing my attention to my weight gain. I’m not entirely sure how I would have gotten pregnant in the first place, seeing as I’ve never had sex, but sure, we’ll go with that instead of ‘my sister is having her first baby and I’m making things for my niece or nephew.'”

Owner: “Oh, stop telling lies. There’s nothing wrong if you’re not sure who the father is…”

(That was when I left and never went back. Her yarn selection sucked, anyway.)