Always Listen To Your High-er Ups

(The following takes place at my yearly review with the company.)

Boss: “Well, everything looks good. You’ve only missed one day of work, which you brought a doctor’s note for, and you’ve had zero customer complaints. I’d like to offer you a dollar raise.”

Me: “That would be great! Thank you so much!”

Boss: “Of course, per company policy, first we need to have you take a drug test. Any time we give a raise or promotion, we test again just to ensure the employees are still drug-free.”

Me: “That’s not a problem at all.”

Boss: “Wonderful. Well, here’s your form.”

Me: *glances at the form* “Um, ma’am? This has your information on it, not mine.”

Boss: “Yes. Yes it does. Is that a problem?”

Me: “But…I can’t take a drug test for you. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.”

Boss: “Look, do you want this raise or not?!”

(Needless to say, I wound up having to contact Human Resources about the incident. Scarily enough, very little was ever done. She’s now a general manager!)