All’s Well That (Rear) Ends Well

(As I’m standing around with the other servers waiting for our tables to be attended to, I overhear a couple talking as they’re eating.)

Girl: “So you really love me, huh?”

Guy: “Very much so. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

Girl: “How much do you love me?”

Guy: “This much!” *extends arms across*

Girl: “That doesn’t quite convince me. How much is that, exactly?”

Guy: “Well, it was supposed to be as big as your a**.”

(The girl yells at him and flicks some refried beans at him.)

Guy: “Hey! I was gonna say as big as my heart, but your butt is bigger.”

Girl: “Awwww!” *kisses him on the cheek and continues eating*