Allergy Season Nightmare

, , | Right | March 17, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *yelling* “IS THIS TECH SUPPORT?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My Internets are broken and I need you to fix it now.”

Me: “Okay, what’s your account number?”

Customer: “Ugh. You can’t just see it?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I have to look it up in our database.”

Customer: “S***. Fine, it’s [number].”

Me: “All right, just a moment here while I bring up the info…”

Customer: “Just hurry it up, will you?”

Me: “Okay, it’s coming up now…”

Customer: *sneezes*

(About ten seconds pass in silence. I can hear children talking in the background.)

Customer: “Excuse me…”

(I stay quiet, assuming she’s talking to the children.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME!”

Me: “Sorry, were you speaking to me?”

Customer: “YES, YOU IDIOT! WHAT THE F*** is WRONG with you people?”

Me: “I’m sorry? I’m not sure I understand…”

Customer: “I SNEEZED AND YOU DIDN’T BLESS ME! WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF ATHEIST?! DON’T YOU REALIZE WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T BLESS SOMEONE WHEN THEY SNEEZE?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I really don’t, but I apol–”

Customer: *interrupting* “YOU’RE A F****** HEATHEN! I HOPE YOU BURN IN H*** FOR THIS YOU…” *continues screaming*

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize if I’ve offended. I’ve found your account information, and it looks like your service was terminated three months ago.”

Customer: “YES! THAT’S HOW LONG IT’S BEEN DOWN! WHY CAN’T YOU FIX IT?!”

Me: “Because you don’t have an account with us anymore. You were canceled because of non-payment. If you’d like, I can transfer you to billing, and–”

Customer: *unintelligible screaming then hangs up*

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