I’ll Make You Sorry You Asked

, , , , | Working | March 22, 2019

(My boss at this time is a very arrogant individual; he is very full of himself and likes to pretend that the world snaps to attention and answers his every whim. Another thing to note is that all of the supervisors and quality staff are required to have a radio, and we are not allowed to turn them off while on the clock.)

Boss: “[My Name], this is [Boss].”

Me: “Go for [My Name].”

Boss: “Where are you right now?”

(Not wanting to give the whole plant a mental picture they can’t unsee…)

Me: “Indisposed. I can meet in five minutes; just tell me where.”

Boss: “But where are you right now?”

Me: “Not currently available.”

Boss: *furious and demanding* “[My Name], tell me where you are, and what you are doing, right now.”

(Okay, Boss, you asked for it…)

Me: “I am currently in the fourth stall from the door in the east bathroom, sitting on the toilet and feeling much better.”

(There is a long pause on the other end of the line. I am well aware that everyone with a radio has heard our conversation.)

Boss: *much more quietly* “When you are finished, please see me in my office.”

Me: “Of course. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

(I don’t remember what was so important, but it wasn’t anything that couldn’t have waited five minutes. But he never pressed me over the radio again.)

This Is Not A New Problem

, , , | Right | March 22, 2019

(I work in an entertainment store that sells new and used movies, books, CDs, and video games. Our used products have the word “USED” printed on the price tag, and we mark them with a green sticker that also has the word printed on it. I am working the books service desk today. A woman comes to my service desk with our only copy of ‘Fifty Shades Freed’ by E. L. James.)

Woman: “What’s the price of this?”

Me: “It’s $8.99, ma’am,”

Woman: “No, I mean the used price.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not a used copy; that’s new.”

Woman: “Are you f****** kidding me? This isn’t new! Look at it! Its pages are bent, and the cover is scratched.”

Me: “Ma’am, it doesn’t say used on the price tag, and there isn’t a green used sticker on it. The book is new, and it’s $8.99.”

Woman: “That’s a load of crap! How can you sell this as new?! Don’t you have some way of protecting them so they don’t look like they’ve already been read?”

Me: “I don’t exactly have the time to shrink wrap hundreds of new books.”

Woman: “I demand you give this to me at the used price,”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. The tag says it’s new, and it’s marked as new in our system. If you really want it, you’ll have to purchase it as is, or find it somewhere else.”

Woman: “This is complete bull-s***!”

(She throws the book on the ground and stomps away.)

Me: *as I pick up the book* “You know, that doesn’t exactly make it any newer!”

So Incompetent You Could Just Die!

, , , , | Working | March 22, 2019

(I live with my grandmother as she has problems moving around. Since I moved in with her, I have added Internet access on top of her normal cable box. However, I have noticed that the Internet randomly drops connection and stays disconnected for a few minutes. I call up the Internet company and notice that it is under my grandfather’s name first. He passed away ten years ago.)

Internet Rep: “Am I speaking to [Grandfather]?”

Me: “No, I’m his grandson. He passed away ten years ago. I can put my grandmother on the line as she is also on the account.”

Internet Rep: “I’m sorry, but unless he talks to me I can’t continue this conversation. He is the name on the account.”

Me: “I don’t understand; she is also on the account, so she can help out.”

Internet Rep: “He is on the account. I can’t continue unless he talks with me.”

(I decide to try something stupid and tell him to hold on.)

Me: *with the same voice* “Hello, this is [Grandfather].”

Internet Rep: “Ah, thank you. Now we can begin your fix. What is the problem?”

(I couldn’t believe that worked. In fact, I just found it easier to say I’m my grandfather when talking with the companies. I asked how to remove his name from the account during another conversation, but I needed a four certified copies of his death certificate!)

Sales End… Bad Customers Do Not

, , , | Right | March 22, 2019

Customer: “I found these yesterday and they were half off. I hid them in the Men’s department, but someone moved them. I had to go looking for them again, and the price is now different.”

Me: “Yes, the sale ended yesterday, and any clothes found to be in another department is moved when we tidy the store every night.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just ridiculous. I want them for half price, as they said yesterday!”

Me: “But the sale ended yesterday. They’re full price again.”

Customer: “Well, make them half price. It doesn’t take an idiot to do that!”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t have the administrative powers to do that.”

Customer: “Then get me a manager, you idiot!”

(I call one down and she explains the situation to him.)

Manager: “The sale ended yesterday. You either pay the price they are now or leave them.”

Customer: “But I wanted them yesterday. You should honour the price they were when I wanted them.”

Manager: “Why didn’t you buy them yesterday?”

Customer: “Because I’m buying them today!”

Manager: “Then you will be paying full price.”

Customer: “Well… you… you should make it obvious when sales are going to stop.”

Manager: “We make announcements all day for end of sales, and there are signs throughout the entire store. If you didn’t realise from that I cannot help you.”

(The manager walks away, ending any chance of her getting the price reduced. She folds her arms and harrumphs. I ask if she still wants them, but she doesn’t answer and just glares at me. I take it as a no and leave her. She stands there for nearly an hour, blocking mostly people using wheelchairs from using the aisle as they leave. My manager refuses to move her as he finds it hilarious how childish she is acting. As I’m on my way out for lunch she finally moves again.)

Woman: *throwing her arms up* “YOU’RE ALL MISOGYNISTS!”

(She storms up to me.)

Woman: “Except for you, dear. You’re just a blonde r******d bimbo.”

(She spat on the sliding doors as she left. Throughout the rest of the day, we got constant calls from someone who hung up the second we answered. We got in touch with the police who eventually found out it was the same woman, trying to harass us. We have her CCTV picture posted on the wall now as you come into the store. She tries to come in every other week, but when she sees she is still up on the wall, she harrumphs and storms out.)

A Sign This Job May Be Wrong For You

, , , , | Working | March 22, 2019

(I’m an adult man living with my parents. My parents have gone on vacation for a week, and I am staying home to take care of things around the house. One day, a [Delivery Company] truck pulls into the driveway, and I head outside to meet the driver. The driver is not the regular driver for our route. Being a rural area where everybody knows everybody, this is kind of big news.)

Me: “Hi there. Is [Regular Driver] just out for today, or are you the new driver for our route?”

Driver: *getting out of his truck with a package in his hands* “He called in sick today, so I’m substituting for him. He should be back tomorrow. Anyway, I got a package for [My Dad].”

Me: “Thanks! I can grab it from you.”

Driver: “You’ll need to sign first.”

Me: *confused, because my dad never chooses the “must sign” option when he orders things* “Okay, I guess I can sign for it.”

Driver: *checks my signature* “Wait. You’re not [My Dad]? Is he home right now?”

Me: “No, that’s my dad, and he’s not home right now.”

Driver: “Oh. The package is in his name, so I guess I can’t deliver it until he’s home.”

(Before I could say another word, the driver put the package back into the truck, got into his seat, and drove off. Knowing that our regular driver was supposed to be back the next day, I decided not to call customer service, since it really wasn’t a big deal yet; my dad wouldn’t be home for a few more days, so he didn’t need the package right away. The next day, our regular driver was back in the truck, and I received the package with no issues. Out of curiosity, I asked him if [Delivery Company] had recently changed their policy on signing for packages. He started laughing, and asked what had happened. After I told the story, he explained that I wasn’t the only one who had had problems; apparently, the substitute driver had unofficially broken the [Delivery Company] record for most complaints in his first day as a driver… with nearly 30 complaints! He had refused to deliver ANY package without a signature from the person listed on the package, and he had even refused to deliver packages to businesses unless the business owners themselves signed for them. Naturally, he was fired as soon as he returned to the office at the end of the route, and [Delivery Company] lost a lot of money refunding the shipping fees for all the customers who called to complain. I guess I should have called customer service right away and saved my dad a few dollars on his project.)

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