A Drastic Change In Personality

, , , , | | Right | June 25, 2019

(I work in the ladies’ wear department of a large store that has changing rooms for specific genders, although we make occasions for small children under the age of ten. There is a sign outside and on each door of the fitting rooms that it is one person per cubicle. I’m working at the fitting rooms with a coworker who has just let a little boy and his mother into the rooms, and I show them to an empty one. They have children’s clothes for the boy.)

Me: “Feel free to sit just outside the room, ma’am.”

Mother: “What?! He’s only seven! I can’t leave him alone!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma—“

Mother: “Well, you know what? All the other shops allowed me in with him. I’m not shopping here anymore and I want to talk to your manager now.”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s no reason to cause a situation; there’s a double room available at the mo—“

Mother: “NO! I am so angry right now!”

(She storms out to the front where my coworker is and badgers her until we call a manager over. The little boy is standing with me with a red face.)

Mother: “[Little Boy], get over here now! We’re leaving right now!”

(The little boy then moved to his mother, starting to cry. My manager came along and pulled her to the side. A few minutes later my coworker and I heard her screaming and shouting, and watched her being removed from the store by a security guard, gingerly followed by the little boy. My manager came back a little while later with a rather red cheek. Apparently, this lady was well known for bringing the child in and stealing the most expensive children’s clothes we have in the store, but we never were able to catch her in the act.)

Cretins Probably Taste Terrible

, , , , | | Related | June 25, 2019

(My mother and I are having a salad. We’re chatting, happily munching, and she glances around the kitchen. She suddenly exclaims…)

Mom: “Cretins! We ought to have some cretins!”

Me: “Wait… What?!”

(She pulled down a box of CROUTONS from the top of the fridge. This isn’t the weirdest thing she’s mispronounced jokingly, but boy was it unexpected! They were really good cretins.)

Don’t Ask Questions If You Don’t Want Answers

, , , , , , | | Friendly | June 25, 2019

(My boyfriend’s best friend was a bit promiscuous during his teens and early twenties and, as such, has many past conquests and ex-partners in our small English village. One day, at a BBQ, [Friend] introduces his new girlfriend, who he met online. She is fairly young and naive, and spends the entire time insulting people without realising it. They have only been dating a short time. She wastes no time in cornering me and trying to inquire about [Friend]’s past relationships.)

Me: “I really don’t feel comfortable telling you about that stuff. That’s something you need to talk about with him.”

Girl: “Come on! It can’t be that bad! Just because you look like a slut it doesn’t mean everyone is.”

Me: “You really want the truth?”

Girl: “Come on! Just tell me! I need to know.”

Me: “He’s slept with her… And her… And that woman over there with the baby? They went out two years ago before she met her husband. He kissed… her… Cheated on her…” *names almost every female at the party* “Oh. And I’m pretty sure he and my boyfriend fooled around a few times when they were teenagers, too. Did that answer your question?”

(The girl ran away crying. I really shouldn’t have risen to the bait and given her an answer, but she made me so angry. Luckily, my friend saw the funny side. Apparently, he had disclosed all of what I had said before the party and had been completely honest with her. The girl had thought that he was exaggerating.)

Fake Childlike Behavior

, , , , , | | Right | June 25, 2019

(A couple enters the furniture store where I work. They are older folks, and they say they are looking for many things. I give them a very short version of the floor layout and ask them if it is all right for me to check on them sometimes to make sure their questions are answered. They say this is fine. The first time I check on them, the very friendly husband asks me some questions, and I answer them and then dismiss myself to allow them to keep looking in peace. The second time I check on them, the husband finds a very nice oak CD rack and asks me if we have anything more narrow. I tell him I might, and that I’ll check around the store and catch up to them in a few minutes. I dismiss myself after answering another question of his about a table. I find an item that matches the description of the oak CD rack, but I cannot find the husband for the life of me. I see the wife walking by and go to inform her that I’ve found it.)

Me: “Oh, ma’am, about that item your husband was looking–”

Woman: “Look, I didn’t come here to chat! I came here to just look!

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I didn’t mean to offend you.”

Woman: “Well, you did!’

Me: “Just trying to feed my children, ma’am.”

(With that, I looked down at the floor, turned on my heel, and walked away pitifully. It had the desired effect — I don’t even have kids — and the customer lost all of her zeal, looked down at the floor, and walked straight out of the store in shame. Maybe she’ll think twice from now on before she explodes on another retail salesperson for no reason at all.)

Winning At “Misery Loves Company”

, , , , , | | Healthy | June 25, 2019

I went to see my doctor as I’d had a weird pain in my arm for a week and then it had swelled up at the weekend. He sent me to the hospital for a scan, which confirmed I needed to stay in hospital, but they needed to find me a bed so I went back to the investigations ward to wait. And wait. And wait some more.

At 10:00 pm, there was a teenage lad whose parents were grumbling about how they’d been there for four hours and they were fed up waiting for the boy to be discharged.  

A few others joined in, waiting five, six hours… After a while of this, I decided to pipe up.

“I’ve been here since ten o’clock this morning. I got diagnosed nine hours ago and I’m still waiting for a bed because I don’t get to go home tonight.”

There were a few beats of silence before the original grumblers declared me the winner and happily waited for their son to be discharged. It actually helped break some of the tension in the room and got people talking to pass the time until I finally got a bed, so yay for winning “waiting time” to trumps, I guess.

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