Two Much For This Guy

, , , | Right | September 17, 2019

(I’m the restaurant manager of a popular chain fast food outlet. It’s busy in our drive-thru so I go to the cashier booth to assist the young female with taking orders over the speaker box.)

Me: “Welcome to [Outlet]. May I take your order?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have the $2 burgers?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “How much for seven?”

Me: *silent for a second, questioning why they don’t know the answer* “Seven burgers will be $14.

Customer: “Okay, how much for six?”

Me: *looks at my coworker who is holding back laughter* “$12.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, how much for five?”

Me: *now trying not to laugh* “$10.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll get five.”

Me: “Five beef or five chicken?”

Customer: “I’ll get a mix.”

Me: “Okay, two beef and three chicken comes to $10. Please drive to the next window.”

(The customer drives up and pays, after which my coworker and I laugh and walk to the front area.)

Me: “Good thing I have my bachelor degree or I might never have known my two times tables!”

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Men Get Heated Quicker

, , , | Right | September 16, 2019

(I am sitting by the counter in a quiet little Asian restaurant in my small town, waiting for an order that my father called in a few minutes before for my family’s dinner. Another customer comes in and orders a moment before my family’s order is ready.)

Female Employee: “Your order is ready, ma’am.”

(She begins to hand me the two bags.)

Male Customer: “Hey now, I just ordered! She’s just sitting on her a** and gets handed food before the man who just ordered!”

Female Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but this order was called in before the customer arrived, so it was prepared before what you just ordered a moment ago. Your order is cooking and will be ready soon.”

Male Customer: “This is absurd! I demand she wait until the men are—”

Me: *interrupting him* “Sir, pardon me, but are you married?”

Male Customer: *hesitates* “Yes. What does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “When your wife cooks dinner, does your portion magically cook faster than everyone else’s meal?”

Male Customer: *grumbles, but doesn’t say anything further*

(To my surprise, the employee then opens the door to help me, as I have a bag in each hand.)

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Have a good evening!”

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Time To Spill The Tea  

, , , , | Right | September 16, 2019

(I’m working with one other girl when a regular customer comes in. My coworker is on the register, so she takes the woman’s order.)

Customer: “I’d like a medium French vanilla iced tea with whipped cream and caramel swirl.”

(I can tell my coworker is confused, but we’re trained to repeat the order back to the customer.)

Coworker: “That’s a medium French vanilla iced tea with whipped cream and caramel swirl?”

Customer: *smiling* “Oh, no, no one in my family drinks iced tea. I want a medium french vanilla iced tea with whipped cream and caramel swirl.”

(I’m watching all this go down and I know that our customer wants an iced coffee, but my coworker is just getting more frazzled. She repeats the order back again, saying “Iced Tea” instead of replacing it with “Iced Coffee.”)

Customer: *getting irate* “No! You won’t ever hear me order iced tea! I won’t drink it, my husband won’t drink it, and my daughter won’t drink it! Now, I want a medium French vanilla iced tea with whipped cream and caramel swirl!”

(My coworker looks helpless and this is the last straw for the customer. She demands to see the manager. No manager is on duty at the moment. She storms out, saying that she knows our assistant manager and is going to call her. Sure enough, the phone rings about thirty minutes later and it is our assistant manager.)

Manager: “Did you see all this happen?”

Me: “Yes, I did.”

Manager: “And what did she order?” 

Me: *quoting* “A medium French vanilla iced tea with whipped cream and caramel swirl.”

Manager: *laughing* “Well, that sounds gross, doesn’t it? Tell [Coworker] to make what she wants next time, not what she orders.”

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His Brain Was Lost In The Wash

, , , | Right | September 16, 2019

Customer: “I’d like to buy a car wash.”

Me: “Sure thing! Which type of wash would you like?”

Customer: “A car wash.”

(I think for a moment that perhaps he’s misheard me.) 

Me: “Which type of car wash are you interested in?”

Customer: “A car wash.”

Me: “The different washes are listed right here, sir.”

(I point at the sign right in front of me.)

Customer: “A car wash.”

Me: “How about our top-of-the-line wash?”

Customer: “Uh… sure.”

Me: “All righty, your total is [total]; just insert your card.”

(He is already holding his credit card out.)

Customer: “Uh…”

Me: “Right here.” *points at the terminal*

Customer: “Oh! Okay.”

(He inserts the card incorrectly and an error slip prints out. I hand him the slip.)

Me: “That didn’t go through; you’ll have to try that again. Insert the other end first.”

(He inserts the card incorrectly again and another error slip prints out.)

Me: “That did not go through; we’ll have to try that again.”

(I hand him the second slip. He takes both slips and walks out without another word. I’m a little surprised, but figure that maybe he brought the wrong card with him and was embarrassed. He comes back in about a half-hour later.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. Sorry to bother you… But neither of these slips worked at the car wash.” *places his error slips on the counter*

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Cancel The Late Fee Before It Cancels Itself Out

, , , , | Working | September 16, 2019

Call Centre Guy: “How can I help you today?”

Me: “I’ve had my new mobile phone for two days and you’ve sent me a bill?” *middle of the month is always a time of bad cash flow*

Call Centre Guy: “Yes, you always pay the first month in advance.”

Me: “I cannot afford to pay it until the end of the month.”

Call Centre Guy: “You have to pay it by the 19th. If you don’t, we’ll charge you for a late payment.”

Me: *resignedly* “Okay, so, what’s the late payment fee?”

Call Centre Guy: “Well, as long as it’s no later than fourteen days, which it doesn’t sound like it will be, there’s no late fee.”

Me: “Okay, well, thanks for your help.”

Call Centre Guy: “You’re welcome.”

(It was only later when I recounted this story to a friend of mine that I realised the pointlessness of this conversation.)

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