A Case Of The Computer Cooties

, , , , | Right | April 21, 2008

(The office downstairs sometimes calls up to us for tech support. They’re not too great with computers.)

Guy: *from downstairs* “I think one of the computers has a virus.”

Me: “Okay, which one?”

Guy: “The one in the middle of the office.”

(This seems strange, as I remember that they don’t have any computers in the middle of the room.)

Me: “Have you moved the computers recently?”

Guy: “Yeah, we put it in the middle of the office so the other computers wouldn’t catch the virus!”

(I went downstairs and a disconnected desktop stands in all its glory in the middle of the room. It didn’t have a virus.)

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Comic Book Guy’s Alter Ego

, , , , | Right | April 21, 2008

Man: *in a terrible French accent* “Ha-ha! I am the Butterfinger Crisp Bandit!”

Me: “That’s nice.”

Man: “May the Butterfinger Crisp Bandit get these for free?”

Me: “Um… no.”

Man: “Why not? I am the Butterfinger Crisp Bandit! I should always get them for free!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give these to you for free. Two dollars.”

Man: “Why the h*** not?”

Me: “Because I could lose my job.”

(The man growls, and sluggishly hands over two dollars.)

Man: “The Butterfinger Crisp Bandit should not have to pay, but he will… this time…”

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If You’re Gonna Be Off, Be Waaaay Off

, , | Right | April 20, 2008

(A customer calls on the phone.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help?”

Customer: “I need an air filter for my car.”

Me: “Okay, sir, what is the model of your car?”

Customer: “It’s red.”

Me: “Okay, so it is red, but what car model is it? Is it a ford or a fiat?”

Customer: “It’s sort of big and red.”

Me: “…I think you should come round to the store and show us the car you need the filter for.”

Customer: “Are you saying I’m wrong? The customer is always right!”

Me: “No, sir. I’m not saying you are wrong…”

(After this, he hung up and parked his BLUE Audi outside the shop and said it was for that car.)


This story is part of our Customers With Super-Vague Requests roundup!

Read the next story in this roundup!

Read the Super-Vague Requests roundup!

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Oh Noes, I Fails

, , , | Right | April 20, 2008

(I worked as a hostess in a not-particularly large restaurant…)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant], how many in your party?”

Man: “Two, but my wife will be meeting me in a few minutes. Can I just sit down now and then you can direct her to my table?”

Me: “Of course.”

(So about thirty minutes goes by and in that time about twenty people come in to be seated. None of them say that they’re meeting anyone. The man I seated earlier eventually comes up to me.)

Man: “You failed me.”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Man: “My wife has been sitting at a table across the room from me for the last twenty minutes because you didn’t direct her to my table!”

Me: “Well I’m sorry, sir, but if she didn’t tell me she was meeting anyone, I would have no way of knowing.”

Man: “I gave you a job! You didn’t do it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but my job is to seat everyone who comes through this door. I didn’t ask every single female if they were your wife. I assumed she would either tell me she was meeting someone, or look around the room to see if you were there.”

Man: “You assumed wrong! You FAILED me!”

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Big Yellow Warning Bags Are Your Friend

, , | Right | April 20, 2008

(A girl pulls up to a gas pump. I’m watching her through the window from behind the cash register as she removes the OUT OF ORDER BAG placed over the pump (clearly marked, bright yellow bag) and throws it in the trash next to her. She plays around with it for a while and then walks toward the door.)

Girl: “Your pumps aren’t working.”

Me: “Go back outside, pull the bag that you just threw away out of the trash and read it. That should solve the problem.”

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