Complaining Incognito

, , | Right | January 25, 2008

Me: “You’re through to [tech support], can I take your telephone number?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, can I take your postcode instead?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, sir, I’m trying to help but I need to bring your account details up in my system.”

Customer: *rather angrily* “What the h*** do you want my details for? I can’t connect to the internet, you need to sort it out!”

Me: “I will do my best, sir, but like I explained I need to bring up your account details to verify what the problem seems to be.”

Customer: *screaming* “That’s it, I’m calling your complaints department. This is f****** ridiculous. I also want to speak to your manager NOW!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I can’t do that as you haven’t verified any of your account details.”

Customer: “That’s it, I’m leaving your provider for somebody else!”

Me: “Thanks for calling [technical support]. Have a nice day!”

(Two minutes later my manager comes over and just bursts out laughing.)

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How Cows Order Coffee

, , , | Right | January 25, 2008

Me: “Good morning, how can I help you?”

Woman: “Yeah, a small coffee with two splendas and extra milk.”

Me: “Okay, that will be $1.49.”

(She pays and I give her the change. I proceed to make the drink. I pressed the “Medium” button for milk and then gave an extra shot. When I gave it to her, she took a sip and made a face as if she had just taken a sip of liquefied dog s**t.)

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Woman: “I asked for extra milk! This is too strong.”

Me: “Well, I’ll put some more in for you. No problem.”

Woman: *muttering under her breath* “Idiot kid…”

(I put another “Medium” shot in. This is two mediums and one extra shot for a total of seven milks. She takes another sip, with the same face.)

Woman: “What part of extra milk do you not understand?”

Me: “I understand what extra milk means. I put in about four times the regular amount of milk.”

Woman: “Well, put more!”

(I put in more. I put a “Large” shot of milk (four more). This brings our total to eleven milks, therefore being classified as milk with a little coffee.)

Me: “Here.”

(She takes another sip, and yes. Again, she makes that freaking face.)

Woman: “Look. Extra milk means you put in the regular amount, and then you put in MORE.”

Me: “I know that! That is a SMALL coffee with ELEVEN MILKS!”

Woman: “PUT IN MORE!”

(I put in more another “Medium” shot (three more)).

Me: “Here. The coffee is almost white now.”

(She drinks it again and SPITS IT ALL OVER THE COUNTER.)

Me: “Lady, what’s your problem?”

Woman: “This coffee is cold! I ordered a hot coffee, not a cold coffee! Can you comprehend that?”

Me: “F*** this. Who’s next?”

(My shift leader was laughing in the corner the whole time. She remade this lady’s drink with one large shot of milk and gave it to her. She sipped it…”Ah, now that’s better!”)

(Everyone in line had a pretty good laugh about it.)


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Having A Hussie Fit

, , , | Right | January 24, 2008

Me: “Here’s your lemonade, sir, what can I get you to eat?”

Customer: “I’ll have a bowl of chili.”

(I walk to the back of the restaurant get bowl of chili and take it to him. This takes all of one minute.)

Customer: *angrily* “That took far too long. Did you socialize with the other hussies that work here on your way?”

Me: “No, sir. That’s how long it takes to walk back and get the chili.”

Customer: “I’m not paying for any of this.”

(He then gets up to storm out the front door but instead runs into the door that has the “Use Other Door” sign on it. The “hussies” and I didn’t stop laughing for a while.)

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Maybe If I Just Dial Random Numbers

, , , | Right | January 24, 2008

Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling [Pet Insurance]. My name is Barry, how can I help?”

Customer: “I’m not happy!”

Me: “And why is that?”

Customer: “I don’t know the sort code for my bank account!”

Me: “Okay… have you tried calling your bank?”

Customer: “If I did that I’d end up talking to somebody in India! Can’t you just tell me?”

Me: “Well, I sell pet insurance, so, unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of information. I only have information on how much it will cost to insure a cat or a dog. I guess you could find it if you went to your bank’s website.”

Customer: “Oh great! Could you do that for me?”

Me: *sigh*


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Meatheaded

, | Right | January 24, 2008

(A customer walks up to counter and stares at produce.)

Customer: “Don’t you have any vegetarian sausages?”

Me: “This is a meat counter; we only have meat. We should have some prepacked though.”

Customer: “But, I want to buy from here. Why don’t you sell them?”

Me: “We only have meat on the meat counter, I’m afraid. Is there anything else you would like?”

Customer: “Do you have tofu burgers here??”

Me: “…”

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