(I used to work as a cashier at [Large National Chain]. One afternoon I am ringing out an elderly couple’s groceries. The elderly woman has a duplicate coupon for an item that she can only use one for. I give it back to her and try to explain that we don’t allow duplicate coupons. The woman becomes irate.)

Elderly Woman: “We already spend so much money here! Why can’t we just use it?”

Me: “Ma’am, you only have one of those items, and the coupons are only good for one item each. You can get another one and use the coupon, but I can’t ring the second one up when you only have the one item.”

Elderly Woman: “I don’t understand. My husband and I spend so much here. Can’t you just allow it?”

Me: “I can’t. I’m sorry, but the coupon won’t even scan, and I’m not allowed to hand-key it in at this location.”

Elderly Woman: “That’s stupid. Just forget it.” *throws her items at me* “I don’t understand why you can’t just do it when I spend so much money here.”

(I apologized to the woman and continued scanning her items. Later, I was working at the customer service desk and she went up and complained about me. To me.)

(A small boy, aged about six or seven, and his mother approach the counter.)

Mother: “What cake would you like?”

Boy: “That one.” *points to the last chocolate éclair in the shop*

(As I am taking it out of the display, I drop it on the floor.)

Me: “I’m so sorry. That was the last one we had.”

Mother: “Oh, don’t worry. We’ll take it anyway.”

Me: “I really can’t sell it to you; it’s been on the floor. I’m sorry.”

Boy: *excited* “Wait. Mum, you’re going to let me eat something that’s been on the floor? Really? Oh, wow, that’s great. Thanks, Mum! Wow!”

Mother: “I don’t usually let him…”

(I just gave them the cake.)

(I’m the customer, waiting for my truck to be repaired. This is a very honest shop and they do great work, too. Another customer has an appointment to get new tires. When they were putting new tires on they notice his right front wheel bearing was almost totally gone.)

Shop Manager: *to customer* “You must get this replaced right away. If you brake hard or turn hard, the front wheel could snap off!”

Customer: *dismissive and rude* “Bah, you just want me to spend more money. You folks are all alike. Just give me my d*** keys.”

(He gets into his car and peels out, burning rubber. He takes a right out of the parking lot and we hear a loud BANG. We see his right front tire rolling forwards and that he has slammed into a light pole.)

Shop Manager: “Hope he had a nice day.”

(When my brother comes to visit, the airline company loses his bag temporarily, and promises to call us when it comes in. A day later it arrives, so my brother and I drive down to the airport to pick it up. I wait in my idling van while my brother runs in to grab his bag. After a few minutes, I hear someone open the trunk and glance in the rearview mirror, only to see a woman I don’t recognize loading her bags into my trunk. I turn off the car and get out.)

Me: “Um, ma’am, I think you have the wrong…”

Woman: “I need to get to the [Hotel] and fast. I have a business lunch to attend, and need to sign in and freshen up.”

Me: “Well, I’m not a driver, and I’m just waiting for my brother. Maybe you should—”

Woman: “WELL, he is just going to just have to wait, isn’t he? I am a paying customer, and I expect you to do your job and take me where I need to go.”

(At this point I realize that she thinks I am a shuttle driver, which is ridiculous as all of the hotel shuttles have the hotel logo plastered on the side of their shuttles. As it is obvious that she isn’t going to listen, I decide to take a different approach.)

Me: “Well, okay, but given that you didn’t schedule ahead, I have my rush-service fee, plus a roaming service fee as the [Hotel] is outside of my usual area, plus gas and lost business fees, so that will be $300 dollars up front.”

Woman: “What? No, you have to take me for free!”

Me: “No, that is the hotel shuttle, which would have to word [Hotel] on the side. I am a for-profit shuttle only, and if you want me to take you now, it will cost $300.”

Woman: “Well, I’m going to report you!”

(She then proceeds to pull her bag out of my trunk and storm off. My brother, who arrived towards the end of the debate, grins before stepping forward and putting his own bag in the trunk.)

Brother: “I don’t have $300, but do you accept IOUs?”

Me: “I’ll give you the family discount. You have to cook tonight.”

Brother: “Deal!”

(My friend and I are settling in to watch the new “Sherlock” series, which we’ve heard good things about.)

Friend: “What’s Sherlock’s first name?”

Me: “Sherlock. His last name is Holmes.”

(I look at him pointedly, waiting for his reaction. He stared intently at the TV until he comes up with an excuse.)

Friend: “That was a test. You passed.”