Maybe That’s Her Good Side

, | Right | July 28, 2008

Customer: “Do you take passport photos?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Do you want one taken?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Just stand in front of the screen, please, and I’ll take your photo.”

(She walks up and stands in front of the white screen; she’s facing the background with her back towards me. My coworkers can barely keep it together at this point.)

Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to turn around if you don’t want the back of your head on your passport.”

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AARP Membership Comes With A Few Hidden Perks

| Right | July 27, 2008

(I was trying to put a dressing on the arm of a VERY confused but cute elderly man.)

Me: “Just hold your arm out so I can wrap this around it.”

Elderly patient: *reaches out his arm and grabs my right breast*

Me: “Hey! You can’t do that!”

Elderly patient: “But I like it…”

Me: *laughs

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Someone Needs To Go Back To School

, , | Right | July 27, 2008

Me: “Photography studio, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, hi, I just received a second notice…”

Me: “… for your yearbook session?”

Customer: “Yeah, well, for my daughter. I’m just calling to see if this is a scam.”

Me: “No, ma’am, we work with your daughter’s high school. If she doesn’t have her photo taken within the next three weeks, it won’t appear in the yearbook.”

Customer: “Oh… so do you offer a class?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, a class for parents who don’t really understand this whole process?”

Me: “Well it’s really not that complicated. Your daughter just has to come to the studio and have her picture taken. It will probably only last twenty minutes. If you want more information on the sessions we sent out brochures with the first notice or you can go to our website.”

Customer: “So… you don’t offer a class?”

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Please, Please Listen To Yourself Talk

, , , , | Right | July 27, 2008

(At our library, the computers are all self-sign up. All you have to do is type in your name and library card number. This is clearly posted on the side of the monitor. In walks a young woman and her boyfriend.)

Young Woman: “Can you help me with this?”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Young Woman: “I don’t know what to do.”

Me: “The instructions are on the side of the monitor.”

Young Woman: “But why can’t you tell me how to do it?”

Me: “Because it’s SELF-SIGN UP.”

Young Woman: “But I need help!”

Me: “All you have to do is type in your name and library card number.”

Young Woman: “But do I have to read the screen?”

Me: *confused* “Of… course. The screen tells you when to type in your information. You have to read the screen.”

Young Woman: “BUT I DIDN’T COME INTO THE LIBRARY TO READ!”

Young Woman’s Boyfriend: *turns abruptly and walks out the door*

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Tornado 1, Whiny Caller 0

, , | Right | July 26, 2008

(This happened during the Midwest’s massive flooding in June, 2008.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. I’m sorry, but—”

Caller: “Can you get me the price of a digital camera?”

Me: “Sir, I am sorry but we are currently in a code black.”

Caller: “What is that?”

Me: “That is where the managers are telling the employees and the customers to move to the center of the store due to violent weather.”

Caller: “But could you just look for me quick?”

Me: “Sorry, but I have to get to the back of the store because there is a tornado coming!”

Caller: “You people are so selfish. I am going to call your district manager and—”

Me: *hangs up and runs for my life*

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