(This happened back in the 60s when my mother was a secretary.)

Mother: “Maintenance, our air conditioner isn’t working.”

Maintenance: “We’ll get around to it in a day or so.”

Mother: “…We have lab rats here.”

Maintenance: “We’ll be right up!”

(Humans being uncomfortable was never as important as environmental controls on experiments. If a rat got too hot there’d be Hell to pay!)

Coworker: “Hey, what’s the bacon made out of?”

Me: *thinking he means if it’s turkey bacon* “It’s real bacon.”

Coworker: “Yeah, but what’s it MADE out of?”

(I am so dumbfounded by the question I actually stop what I am doing and just kinda stare into space, unsure how to respond. Another coworker, seeing my reaction, jumps in to say it’s pig.)

(My father had an Asian coworker who worked front-house at the rib shack he works at. One day a customer walks in and is extremely rude to him. The coworker speaks perfect English, having been born in America.)

Customer: *very slowly and loudly* “I WOULD LIKE TO ORDER [ITEM]!”

Coworker: *asks him to repeat his order in scattered English*

Customer: *even louder* “I WOULD LIKE TO ORDER [ITEM].”

Coworker: *asks him to repeat in even more scattered English*

(This goes on for some time, and the coworker decides that the louder the customer says his order, the less English he knows. The coworker ends up shouting very angry-sounding Chinese very quickly, punctuating it with sharp arm movements. The customer leaves out of frustration.)

Dad: *after he finally stops laughing* “What were you shouting at that guy, anyway?”

Coworker: “I think it was an old fairy tale my parents used to tell me. It’s basically the Chinese version of Sleeping Beauty.”

(The store I work in has automatic timers on the lights that we have no control over. They are set to turn on right as we open and then several minutes after we close. It is strictly forbidden to have customers in the store with us once the lights are out. A woman comes in about two minutes before closing time.)

Manager: “Hello, ma’am. We are closing in two minutes.”

Customer: “Hmhmm.”

(Again at closing:)

Manager: “Ma’am, you will need to finish up your shopping because we are officially closed.”

(A few minutes later she was still shopping so he told her AGAIN. She finally comes up to the register about a minute later but refuses to let me ring anything up. She starts sorting everything into piles of “Buy”, “Don’t Buy” and “Think About”.)

Me: “Ma’am, we are closed. You need to just give me what you’re buying so we can check you out.”

(She continues ignoring us, even though we repeat ourselves several more time, and just keeps sorting her items. The manager finally tells her he’s done waiting and that she needs to just leave RIGHT as the lights go out and we are all plunged into total darkness. The lady then turns to us and screams:)

Customer: “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE CLOSING!?”

(At that she finally leaves because it is literally too dark in the store for me to run the register.)

(I am working alone at night at a small town library. The town also has a prison nearby. A customer approaches the desk.)

Customer: “I’d like to order a specific book.”

Me: “What’s the title?”

Customer: “‘How to Use Your Hands as Lethal Weapons.’ The prison librarian would never order it for me.”

(I was relieved that I couldn’t find it for him either!)