(Because I go to Iceland often, I’ve been learning Icelandic and can carry on a conversation. I do not look Icelandic at all, though, so most people don’t expect me to know the language at all.)

Random Drunk Man: *while looking at me* “Þú ert mjög ljót!” *you are very ugly!*

Me: *smiling back* “Ég veit það… Takk.” *I know it… Thanks.*

Random Drunk Man: *now very embarrassed* “…”

(My mom, my sister, two of her friends, and I are going to the park in a black truck. We are about to turn when something hits us from behind. My mom goes out to see what happened. The van that hit us is totaled. The front is caved in and air bags puffed out. My mom runs to the passenger seat of the car to see of the people were okay.)

Mom: “Are you okay?!”

Lady #1: *behind the wheel “Look what you did to my van!”

Mom: “Me? You hit us.”

Lady #1: “So! Look at our car. It is your reckless driving that did this!”

Mom: “You were speeding and weren’t paying attention. We were just turning.”

(She then notices the passenger had food all over her shirt and a red eye.)

Mom: “Ma’am, are you okay?”

Lady #1: “Why do you care? You did this!”

Lady #2: “I think I am…” *looks at food on her lap* “It’s just that we just ordered some tacos from that restaurant and we opened it.”

Mom: “So you guys were looking at food while driving?”

Lady #1: *silent for a minute* “LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO OUR VAN!”

(I am in summer government class. One student pays little attention and randomly chimes in with off topic or invalid points.)

Teacher: “…and the last time there was draft was at the close of the Vietnam war, in 1973.”

Student: “Mm-hmm… That was in World War TWO!”

(I am in a first-year French class. The professor is a native of France and, while fluent in English, speaks with a heavy accent. The student in this exchange is a friend who is from Oklahoma and speaks with a thick drawl. He has just finished reading a sentence in French.)

Professor: “No, no, no! You are speaking French with an Oklahoma accent!”

Student: “Well, why not? You speak ‘Oklahoman’ with a French accent.”

Professor: *pauses, thinks* “You have a point.”

(My teacher is having a problem on her computer, which requires one of our IT techs. The rumour is that the techs’ room in the school is very unkempt.)

Teacher: “All right, who wants to go get IT?”

Student: “I will!”

Teacher: “Okay, off you go!”

Student: “…Can I take [Student #2] with me?”

Teacher: “No. Get going.”

(Student #1 goes, then returns a moment later. The moment that she is in the room, she takes out some hand-sanitizer and squirts it on, then notices the peculiar looks aimed at her.)

Student #1: “What? It’s really dirty in there…”