GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity

, , , , , , | Right | January 3, 2011

Me: “Hello, this is [Taxi Service]. Can I have your pickup address, please?”

Caller: “I don’t know!”

Me: “Well, you will need to tell me some kind of an address.”

Caller: “Why can’t you just ‘GPS’ me?”


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It Takes Two Baby

, , , | Right | January 1, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. May I have your phone number, please?”

Customer: “Okay… two.”

(I wait a few seconds for the customer to finish. The customer stays silent.)

Me: “And what’s the rest?”

Customer: “No that’s it.”

Me: “Your phone number is two?”

Customer: “Oh! I thought you asked me what my favorite number was!”

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If Half A Brain, Then Half Off

, , , | Right | January 1, 2011

Customer: “Miss? I have a question for you.”

Me: “Of course, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I found these movies on that rack over there. The sign says ‘2 for $20’ and I was wondering how much they would be if I bought both of them.”

Me: “Ma’am, anything on that rack is $20 if you buy two.”

Customer: “No, I want these two specifically. The tags on them say that they are $20 each!”

Me: “I can see the confusion here, but I assure you that if you buy both of those they will only be $20.”

Customer: “But the tags say $20!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I’m pretty sure I remember seeing you in here a few times before. Those are $20 apiece, but since you’re such a loyal customer I’ll knock off half.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks! You’re so helpful!”

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Dummy Request

, , | Right | December 31, 2010

(We have dummy displays set up of all the phones we sell.)

Me: “Hello, sir, can I help you with a new cell phone today?”

Customer: “No. I’m just looking for a new battery for my phone.”

Me: “Sorry, but we don’t carry batteries for cell phones. You might try the battery store across the street.”

Customer: “How much to buy one of the displays?”

Me: “Well, those are just dummy phones.”

Customer: “I know that. I just want to take the battery from it.”

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Saigon, And Thanks For The Memories

, , , , , , | Right | December 31, 2010

Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “I’m looking for lightweight shirts. I’m going on vacation!”

Me: “Well, that’s very exciting. Where to?”

Customer: “Vietnam. Haven’t been to that d*** place in over forty years!”

Me: “Wow, sir. That must be quite a bit for you.”

Customer: “You bet. At least I know I’ll only be shooting a camera this time!”

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