(The week before finals my friend and I are discussing things. I am asking her a favor, as I just did a favor for her.)

Me: “Is there any chance you can bring me a postage stamp for tomorrow’s assignment?”

Her: “Sure.” *pause* “That’s one of those things you put on the envelope, right?”

Me: “….”

Her: “The sticky things, right?”

(I am sitting at home one night on Facebook. At this time, Facebook chat would display only the names of the people who were online and when that list changed, it would suddenly shift some of the names up or down. My friend’s boyfriend is online and due to these shifting names has accidentally clicked on my name instead of another one of his friends.)

Friend’s Boyfriend: “Dude! I got the blue version!”

Friend’s Boyfriend: “Oops, wrong person.”

(The next night, I see him online and select his name.)

Me: “Dude! I got the crack; did you find some cheap hookers?”

(Pause.)

Me: “Oops, wrong person.”

Friend’s Boyfriend: “Hahahahahahahaha!”

(A young boy is misbehaving on the subway train. To try to calm him, his mother is reading him the list of stops.)

Mother: “So we have Haymarket, then we have State, then Downtown Crossing, then Chinatown—”

(At the mention of this last stop, the boy’s eyes go wide.)

Boy: *excitedly* “You mean this train goes all the way to CHINA?”

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(A boy in my class tends to finish his work early and always starts to draw afterwards. One day, my teacher tires of this.)

Teacher: “[Student]! Stop it!”

Student: “But I—”

Teacher: “If you want to draw all day, I’ll take you to where you can draw all day!”

(The teacher then proceeds to march to his desk, and grab a hold of him by the arm, and then turns to the rest of us.)

Teacher: “I’m not allowed to leave you alone, so you come with me.”

(We all get up from our seats and walk with her down the hall, her still holding the boy’s arm, until we get to a random kindergarten class. My teacher knocks on the door, and when the kindergarten teacher opens the door, she shoves the boy inside and starts leading us back to our room.)

Teacher: “If you brats don’t shape up I’ll do the same thing to you!”

(I never saw that boy again. This teacher also failed any drawing assignments where the sky wasn’t kept white with blue clouds, tried to give me detention for using a water fountain in the classroom during indoor recess, and screamed at us for a half hour when someone mispronounced her name as ‘Clay’ instead of ‘kill-ay’.)

(I’m sitting in a lecture hall, waiting for my third-year evolution class to begin. As I’m arranging my notebooks, I hear a couple of students behind me chatting.)

Boy: “I shouldn’t have bought this class’s textbook.”

Girl: “I actually found it pretty helpful.”

Boy: “No, it’s not that. It’s just that I made the mistake of leaving it out when my mom came over to visit. She went on this huge rant about how evolution was anti-Christian, and a huge lie and asking how I could ever possibly study it.”

Girl: “She does know that you’re a bio major, right?”

Guy: “Yeah.”

(The guy sighs, and there’s a moment of silence before the girl speaks up again.)

Girl: “So… what did you tell her?”

Guy: “I told her it was just an elective, like dance.”