Customer Vs Cook: The Heat Is On

, , , , , | Right | March 1, 2011

Customer: “Hey! This burger is too d*** hot!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it will cool down over time. Just wait a little while.”

Customer: “I want to eat it now! Why the h*** would you make it too hot to eat? Make me another one and don’t make it so hot this time!”

(He slams his burger down on the counter and stomps away. I don’t touch it, as I have to take care of the next couple of customers. A moment later, I call out to the customer.)

Me: “Sir, your burger is ready.”

(The customer comes back up, picks up the burger that hasn’t been moved since he put it down, and takes a bite.)

Customer: “There we go, much better. Don’t make them so d*** hot anymore. This one’s great!”

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Never Out Of Laughing Stock

, , , , , , | Right | March 1, 2011

Customer: “How much for [item]?”

Me: “£15.”

Customer: “The guy round the corner does them for thirteen.”

Me: “Well, why didn’t you buy one from him, then?”

Customer: “He’s out of stock.”

Me: “Well, when we’re out of stock, we only charge ten.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll come back when you’re out of stock, then.”

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Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

, , , | Right | March 1, 2011

Customer: “I need something without coffee in it.”

Me: “Okay, what would you like?”

Customer: “Can I have a large mocha?”

Me: “That has coffee in it, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t. It says espresso on the board.”

Me: “Espresso is coffee.”

Customer: “All this time I’ve been drinking coffee!? No wonder I haven’t been able to sleep!”

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Tall Tales Vs. Turning Tail

, , , , | Right | February 28, 2011

(I work at a visitor’s center on a refuge, which is by a large pond. As this is Florida, we naturally have alligators. A visitor approaches the help desk.)

Visitor: “You have a fake alligator outside!”

Coworker: “No, sir. It’s real.”

Visitor: “There’s no way that’s real!”

Coworker: “Sir, all our gators are real.”

Visitor: “I’ll prove it!”

(My coworker follows the visitor outside. Suddenly, the visitor goes up to an alligator resting along the side of the pond and grabs it by the tail.)

Alligator: *dives into the water*

Visitor: *face goes white*

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The Fine Art Of Peevesdropping

, , , | Right | February 28, 2011

(My coworker is my friend, and we usually pick on each other in good fun.)

Me: *to Coworker* “Your shirt is all wrinkled! Maybe you should show up to work looking decent!”

Customer: *mistakenly overhearing* “Well, maybe you should shove it!”

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