(I’m talking with my friend during class break. Somehow, we end up talking about Pastafarianism, a parody religion that parodies Christianity, and that holds the Flying Spaghetti Monster as its divinity. He identifies himself with Pastafarianism; I identify myself as an agnostic Roman Catholic.)

Me: “So you believe in pasta…”

Friend: “Yep”

Me: “But you eat pasta! Shame on you! You’re eating your god!”

Friend: “…”

Me: “Wait! I also eat my god…”

(My honor’s physics teacher has an unusual grading system. All homework is technically extra credit, and the points are added on to our next test grade. He also curves each test. The result is that he has to read off grading scale for that particular test every time. If no one got a particular point value, he has a little fun:)

Teacher: “Here are the grades for the test. If you got +3, ‘A.’ +2, ‘A.’ +1, ‘A.’ Even if you did no homework and got a perfect score on the test for +0 points… ‘A.’ -1, ‘F.’ -2, ‘A’…”

(The first semester of my senior year was spent away from my usual school. When I come back, I am disappointed that all my classes will be more review of material that I have already covered in my first semester. This is in English class where I’m distracted helping a friend with a calculus proof he’d been working on for months.)

Teacher: “So who wrote that, do you suppose, Mr. [My Name].”

Me: “Lord Byron.”

Teacher: “You’ve been reading that math and not paying attention in my class. How did you know the answer?”

Me: “I covered all the 19th century poets last semester.”

Teacher: “You couldn’t have. We only cover them second semester.”

Me: “I wasn’t here at [School].” *looking down at the paper, mumbling* “Great, now where was I?”

Teacher: “You will pay attention in my class!”

Me: “I’m trying to, but you are distracting them.” *pointing to the rest of the class*

(She glared for a bit, but decided it wasn’t worth more argument. I aced the class.)

(We are doing an experiment in my chemistry class where we are trying to burn a strip of magnesium in a container. The teacher suggests we push the magnesium strip down to heat it faster. My friend uses her pencil to push the magnesium down.)

Friend #1: *uses pencil*

Friend #2: “Hey wait! Don’t use that! The pencil will melt!”

(It is a wooden, unsharpened pencil.)

Friend #2: “I’ll go find something else that won’t melt.” *comes back with a plastic spoon* “Here, use this.”

Friend #1: *sarcastically* “Yeah, because plastic doesn’t melt.”

(Some people from my class and others are standing in a line waiting for the teacher to let us off to ICT. One of them has this conversation with the teacher.)

Student: “Did you have your hair dyed?”

Teacher: “No.”

Student: “It looks different, did you have it cut?”

Teacher: “No.”

Student: “It looks longer.”

Teacher: “Why would it be longer if I had it cut?”