It Tastes (And Flows) Like Water Anyway

| Right | January 6, 2008

Me, to a customer opening the beer cooler: “I’m sorry, but alcohol sales close at midnight.”

Customer: “That’s ok, I’m just getting beer.”

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Oh, Crystal Meth

| Right | January 6, 2008

Click here to view the comic version of this quote!

(I’m checking out another patron’s books. Suddenly, a customer screams and points at me, in the process elbowing another patron out of the way.)


Me: “Um, I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m helping someone right now….”

Library patron: “You let it get all FATTY on the top!!!”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

(The library patron begins to cry.)

Me: “Why are you crying?”

Library patron: “I don’t know, cuz dads are microwaving their kids and sh*t!”

Me: “…”

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The Fine Line Between Customer And Cuckoo

| Right | January 5, 2008

Me: “Hi, can I help you find something?”

Lady Customer: “Yes, actually. You have this item that I want, but it looks like it’s been damaged.”

(Lady lifts up a portable DVD player that’s currently on sale. She pointed out a small tear in the box.)

Lady Customer: “Would you happen to have any more?”

Me: “Sure, I can check for you.” *checks our computer* “No, I’m sorry, it appears that you have the last one.”

Lady Customer: *angry* “Why don’t you have any more!?”

Me: “Well, it’s a great sale, so we’ve had a lot of people come in today to purchase it.”

Lady Customer: “Yes, but it’s ON. SALE. That means that it should be IN. STOCK.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but since it’s on sale, we’ve had a lot of people come in today to purchase it. The one that you have right now is still in good shape. The only problem with it is not the product, but the box itself.”

Lady Customer: “This is false advertising! Your ad said you had these, but you don’t! WHY!?”

Me: “Because if we had every on sale item overstocked to meet demand, our storage room would be impossible to traverse through…”

Lady Customer: “Fine, be a smart ass. I still want one from here either way. Call the store in [location] to drive one here so I can purchase it.”

Me: “… Excuse me?”

Lady Customer: “Call [location]…and tell them to bring me one…”

Me: “Um… first, we don’t have an outside line in my department. You would have to go to Guest Service. Second, they wouldn’t deliver a single item for one guest.”

Lady Customer: “Why the HELL not!?”

Me: “Because… I don’t think the Electronics specialist, currently busy handling his own department…would be very happy to have to get your item, drive his car 20 minutes, waste gas, and then deliver said item to you while you’re already holding said item in hand…”

Lady Customer: “THIS. IS. RIDICULOUS!”

Me: “We agree then.”

Lady Customer: *Infuriated* “I am NEVER coming to this STUPID F**KING STORE AGAIN! I’M GOING TO WALMART!”

Me: “Good luck Ma’am! I heard they have GREAT customer support, but I doubt they will meet to your demands.”

(Lady storms off.)

Another Customer: “What the f**k was her problem?”

Me: “…thank you…”

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Dubya Dubya Dubya Dot Duh

| Right | January 5, 2008

Me: “Can I get your domain name please?”

Customer:[email protected]

Me: “That’s actually an email address. What I’m looking for is something similar to”

Customer:[email protected]

Me: *sigh* “Can I get your name?”

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Not Quite Getting What “Return” Means

| Right | January 4, 2008

Customer: “I’d like to return these ice pops.”

Me: “Ok, I just need to see your receipt.”

(I take the box of ice pops.)

Me: “…this is an empty box!”

Customer: “Well, we ate them. Some of them taste good, but some of them had a weird taste, so we threw them out.”

Me: “I can’t give you money back on something you already ate.”

Customer: “Why are you so difficult?! I’m never shopping here again!”

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