(I’m with thirty people playing a game similar to “Heads Up, Seven Up” where during the night a werewolf kills someone and during the day the villagers have to lynch someone. Villagers win if they lynch the werewolf. Werewolf wins if there are equal amounts werewolves to villagers. However, this means you end up with a lot of dead people who are out of play, unable to participate but getting to see who the werewolves are. The host is explaining proper dead person etiquette.)

Host: “So when you die, you can’t cheat and point out the werewolves. All you can say is braaaaiiiins, because you’re zombies.”

Me: *raises hand* “What if your villager is a vegetarian ? Can you say graaaiiinnsss?”

Player #1: “I’m gluten-intolerant… but maybe I work for the railroad. Can I say traaaiinnnsss?”

Player #2: “What if my villager is OCD? I mean, all that blood after I get murdered by a werewolf? Can I say stttaaiinnnsss?”

Player #3: “[Player #2], I’ll wash your clothes with some Gaaaiinnnnn.”

Host: “…I hate you all.”

(We are in dance class, discussing whether we should organise a cultural smorgasbord for some younger students.)

Teacher: *mid-explanation* “…so you would teach the kids a short sequence, and each bring in a sample of food from your chosen country.”

Student #1: “I don’t want to do this!”

Teacher: “Why not?”

Student #1: “I’m doing Irish dancing! What’s Irish food? That’s basically just… potatoes?”

Student #2: “You could bring in chips! Those are potatoes!”

(Student #2 pauses)

Student #2: “Or beer!”

(I am in an AP US History class. We watch an extremely popular series of YouTube videos on history and they’re numbered. One day, I realize that my teacher skipped a video and I go home to figure out what it was. I confront him the next day.)

Teacher: “So today we’ll watch another video.”

Me: *raising my hand* “Excuse me. I was wondering why we didn’t watch the women’s suffrage video.”

Teacher: “We’ve dedicated enough time to women’s suffrage.”

Me: “Oh, you mean the project where we were assigned activists to research and only two were women’s suffragists?”

Teacher: *stammering* “Ah. Well… Your exam is in a few months and we need to cover everything that will be on it.”

Me: “So you’re implying that the activism that directly caused the Nineteenth Amendment will not be covered on the exam.”

Teacher: “[My Name], we have a lot to do today. We can discuss this later.”

(We don’t. He leaves directly after class. So I go to the head of the social studies department at my school and tell her what had happened. The next class…)

Teacher: “So… I’ve decided that [My Name] was right and deserves an apology. Today, our entire lesson is on women’s activism in our country.”

(I went on to major in women’s studies.)

(I’m unpopular. In gym class I win a raffle, and the prize is a huge basket of candy. I’m walking down the hall with it.)

Popular Girl: “Hey, you won the raffle? Can I have a candy?”

Me: “Uh, sure.”

(She takes some and her friends come over.)

Popular Girl’s Friends: “Ooh, can we have some, too?”

Me: “I suppose…”

(They take some too and more and more people come over, people I haven’t spoken to in all my life.)

Others: “Can we have some, too?” *reaching in without me saying okay*

Me: “No, wait—”

Popular Boy: *reaches over me rudely* “I should’ve won this! Gimme!”

(After a short while, everyone left and I was left with a broken basket and no candy. I’ve since learned my lesson about sharing with piranhas!)

(My geology professor is from New Jersey, and her accent slips up every so often, much to the delight of the class. Growing up near Canada, she learned French in school, while most of us learned Spanish, so there’s sometimes an interesting difference between her pronunciation of foreign words and ours, as well. Today, we’re talking about deserts.)

Professor: “As you can see on this map, there are four major deserts in North America: the Great Basin, the Mo-gav—”

Class: “Mo-HA-vay.”

Professor: “—Mojave, Sonoran, and the Chi—”

(She puts on her glasses and looks closer at the version of the map in her textbook.)

Professor: “The Cha-wee-wee?”

Class: “Chihuahua!”

Professor: “Wait, you mean, like the dog?”

Me: “The dog’s named after the desert.”

(She was a good teacher, as long as it was in English!)