Read/Write/Think Error

| | Right | October 6, 2009

Customer: “You said you were going to save all my data to the DVD! I can’t get anything!”

Me: “I assure you, I saved it to that DVD.”

Customer:“No, no! It’s still not there! It keeps telling me to insert the disk!”

Me: “Well…did you put the DVD in the drive yet?”

Customer: “No! Does it have to be there?”

Me: “Yes, it does. You can’t view the contents of the DVD unless the drive is able to read the DVD.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just silly!”

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Not How You A-Dress A Customer

, | | Right | October 6, 2009

Me: “Hello, [pizza delivery]. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to order some pizzas, please.”

Me: “No problem.”

(The call proceeds normally; she orders two pizzas and we make a little small talk.)

Customer: “Can you deliver them, please?”

Me: “Sure, address?”

Customer: *long pause* “Pardon?”

Me: “The address?”

Customer: *long pause again* “I’d like to speak to your manager now, please.”

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Just put your manager on!”

(I call my manager over.)

Manager: “Hello, what appears to be the issue?”

(The manager talks with the customer for a while. He eventually hangs up, throws the order slip in the trash, and bursts out laughing.)

Me: “What was all that about?”

Manager: “She thought you were asking if she was wearing ‘a dress’ and wanted to complain.”

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Why Husbands Should Play Boy The Rules

| | Right | October 6, 2009

Me: “Hello, may I speak to Mr. ***?”

Wife: “He’s in the shower, may I ask what this is about?”

Me: “I’m just calling to find out if he would like to renew a magazine subscription.”

Wife: “What magazine?”

Me: “Playboy, ma’am.”

Wife: “Just a second.”

(I can hear the shower in the background.)

Wife: *sweet voice* “Honey! Someone is calling to see if you want to renew a magazine.”

Husband: “Which one?”

Wife: *slightly homicidal voice* “Playboy…”

Husband: “Uh…no, I don’t think I’ll renew that.”

(The wife picks up phone again; her sweet voice is back.)

Wife: “No, thank you. I don’t think we’ll be needing that one anymore!”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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All-In-Wonder

| | Right | October 6, 2009

Me: “IT Helpdesk at [university]. How can I assist you today?”

Caller: “Hello, you folks were supposed to give me a new computer. I have a note on my desk with the new log-in and everything, but there’s no computer here!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. May I have your name so I can look up your ticket? ”

(She gives me her name and I look her up in our work order system. I recognize the ticket, as I was the person who set-up the computer for her while she was out of the office.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, I’ve found your ticket. I was actually the tech who set this up for you. I know everything was delivered properly and I watched as the department secretary locked the door to your office when I was finished. But you’re saying that there’s no computer there now?”

Caller: “Nope, no computer here. Just a keyboard, mouse and screen. The door was locked this morning when I came in.”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, you said that there’s a keyboard, a mouse and a screen?”

Caller: “Yes, a keyboard a mouse and a screen. No computer.”

Me: “I think I see the problem. The computer that we upgraded you to is called an iMac. It doesn’t have a separate tower unit. The whole computer is there in that screen.”

Caller: “No…”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “You cannot be serious!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I assure you.”

Caller: “Are you trying to play a joke on me, young man?”

Me: “No, ma’am. The whole computer is contained in that one unit. Have you tried turning it on? There should be a button on the back.”

Caller: “No…you can’t be serious!”

Me: “Please, just try turning on the computer. There should be a button on the back on the left-hand side.”

Caller: “Hold on…”

(In the background I hear the Apple boot sound.)

Caller: “Goodness!”

Me: “Alright, just follow the directions for logging in that I left for you. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Caller: “This is amazing, young man!”

Me: “I’m glad! Let us know if there’s anything else you need. Have a nice day!”

Caller: “I’m sure I will!”

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You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number

, , | | Right | October 5, 2009

(Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

Customer: “How much for my daughter?”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.”

Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”

Customer: “Oh, what do you guys do?”

Me: “Adult websites.”

Customer: “Oh… OH! Oh, my God!”

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