No Clue At The Zoo

, , , , , | Right | May 4, 2010

(We are hosting a visiting special exhibit featuring animals endemic to Madagascar. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I don’t think I saw the Madagascar inside the exhibit.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “The Madagascar. Was that the furry thing in the glass cage?”

Me: “Madagascar is a country, ma’am. It’s an island nation off the coast of Africa.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I’ve seen the movie!

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Likely To Cause IRE (Ironic Resourceful Ethics)

, , , , , , | Right | May 3, 2010

(I am working near a copy station, and a woman comes up with a large stack of papers.)

Customer: “Do you have any zip ties to bind this with?”

Me: “Sure, here.”

(As she binds the papers, I see the word “Ethics” on the first page.)

Me: “Oh, is this for an ethics class?”

Customer: “Yes! I didn’t want to pay for the book, so I photocopied it. Do you think the professor is going to like how resourceful I am?”

Me: “I’m sure you’ll have a very lively discussion about it.”

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Should Get His Head Chequed

, , , | Right | May 3, 2010

(A client calls in regarding a payment he is expecting from us. I determine the reason for the delay, correct it, and all that is left is the processing of the payment.)

Me: “How would you like the payment, sir? Electronically or by cheque?”

Client: “Electronically, please.”

Me: “Not a problem. I just need your bank account details so we can transfer the payment.”

Client: *short pause* “Who are you again?”

Me: “I’m [My Name] from [Government Department].”

Client: “So this is [Government Department]? How do I know that’s true?”

Me: “Well, you called me.”

Client: “Did I? I’m still not sure. I think you’re faking it.”

Me: “Well, sir, if you’re uncomfortable providing your bank account details over the phone, we can send the payment via cheque.”

Client: “No, a cheque takes too long.”

Me: “We currently don’t have your bank account details, so you will need to provide them to us if you want electronic payment.”

Client: “Well, that’s no good.”

Me: “Cheque, then, sir?”

Client: “I guess. Do I have to give you my address?”

Me: “No, we already have your address unless… have you moved recently, sir?”

Client: *exasperated sigh* “How would I know that?”

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Not About To Start A Revolution

, , , | Right | May 3, 2010

(A young female customer is paying for a work order. Her friends are nearby.)

Me: “The tech also recommends a tire rotation.”

Customer: “Oh okay… is that something I could get a friend to do?”

Me: “If they’ve got a jack and the lug nut key, sure.”

(Her friends come over.)

Customer: *to another young female friend* “I have to rotate my tires.”

Customer’s Friend: “I thought they did that when you drive?”

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Safe To Assume There Are No Insecurities Here

, , , , | Right | May 3, 2010

(After taking the customers name, phone number, credit card info:)

Me: “To finish creating your account, I need an answer to a reminder question. In what city were you born?”

Customer: “That is way too personal.”

Me: “Okay. We have a few other questions. What is your pet’s name? What is your favorite television show? What is your favorite pastime?”

Customer: “Ask me my favorite pastime.”

Me: “What is your favorite pastime?”

Customer: “Making loooooooove.”

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