(My best friend and I unknowingly grew up just a fifteen minute walk away from each other, so even though we only met two years ago some of our mannerisms and thought processes are the same due to exposure to the same media and pop culture as children. In this, we’ve gone to a party the night before and are lying on a blanket in a park the next day, looking up at the trees to kill time before going home.)
Me: *sees a leaf fall from the tree* “Hello, leaf!”
Friend: “Good luck on your adventure!”
Me: “To the ground?”
Friend: “To decompose and provide nutrients for the soil so it can continue on as a new leaf one day.”
(We’re silent for a second as our brains work, then simultaneously:)
Both Of Us: “It’s the ciiiircle of liiiiiife!”
(I’m a junior English major in a literature class.)
Male Classmate: “…Well, [Female Character] is just a slut, so…”
Me: “That just means a woman who isn’t sleeping with you. Tread lightly.”
Professor: “That’s true, [My Name].”
(The guy didn’t talk for the rest of class and I heard the professor took 20% off his participation for using “derogatory and offensive language” in class. Watch your mouth, people.)
(I am in the upper elementary room when a student runs up and hugs me. He starts sniffing very loudly.)
Me: “Uh… [Student]? What are you doing?”
Student: “Your deodorant smells reeeeeeally good!”
Daughter: “Umph! I need to do ‘five rules that apply on the beach’ for an assignment. What can I do? There are no rules on the beach… except no pooping in the water.”
Me: “Well, if it is like you say, then it’s a rule.”
Daughter: “Really? *writes ‘IT IS FORBIDDEN TO POOP IN THE WATER’ on the notebook* “What else?”
Me: “Well, imagine you’re playing on the beach and scooping sand, and you scoop up a big dog poo…”
Daughter: “Yuck.”
Me: “So what rule would you write about…”
Daughter: “I KNOW, I KNOW!” *scribbling frantically on the notebook* “IT IS FORBIDDEN TO BURY YOUR DOG UNDER THE SAND!”
(Her assignment hasn’t been graded yet. I can’t wait…)
(I am a volunteer religious education teacher. This happens when I am telling a class of year threes about a time the Israelites went to war.)
Me: “Now, imagine if you had to go and fight the year sevens! That would be pretty scary, wouldn’t it?”
Student: “I would know what to do, miss. I’ve seen The Hunger Games!”
