(We are at a family friend’s house where my older sister is playing with her friend and my mum is sitting with her friend’s mum downstairs. I am about three. My mum here’s me crying and goes upstairs to investigate. She finds me by myself, crying.)

Mum: “Are you okay? I heard you crying.”

Me: “Yes. I cried loud enough so you could hear.”

(This restaurant doesn’t have a drive-thru window; you order at the speaker, then pull up to the curb and wait for an employee to walk out to your car. I order a drink and pull up to wait, and wait, as a line builds up behind me. Several minutes later an employee emerges and walks up to me with a tray of drinks.)

Employee: “So you had the cup of ice and the chocolate shake?”

Me: “Um, no, I had a lemonade…”

Employee: “Oh, sorry. Hold on.”

(She goes to the car behind me and gives them the drinks, then disappears inside the building again for several more minutes before returning.)

Employee: “Okay, here’s your lemonade. That’s $2.58.”

(I hand her $3.08 – three dollar bills, a nickel, and three pennies.)

Employee: “So, uh, that’s… a dollar back?”

Me: “…fifty cents?”

(She nods and walks a short distance away to fuss with her change belt, then returns.)

Her: “Oh, sorry, I hope you’re okay without a receipt because it just blew away in the wind…”

(Before I can respond she drops an assortment of coins in my hand and wanders off back into the building. By that point it had been about fifteen minutes so I was just glad to have my drink and be gone, but I later counted and it was fifty cents… in pennies and nickels.)

(I teach cooking classes as part of my job. I have a stash of ingredients and cooking supplies in one corner of my office and never use those for my own personal use. My coworker also teaches cooking classes and has her own supplies, but she often uses her ingredients in her personal lunches and snacks and leaves them scattered throughout the office.)

Coworker: “I need some pepper for these beans.”

Coworker: “I said, ‘I need some pepper for these beans.’”

Coworker: “Sure would be nice if there was some damn pepper in this place.”

Coworker: “Where’s my pepper? I had a whole f***ing container! Where’s my pepper?”

Coworker: “These beans are nasty. They need pepper. I can’t eat them now.”

(Her ranting took several minutes, at the end of which, my boss came into my office. I am engrossed in a project and am not looking at my boss during this conversation.)

Boss: “Have you used any pepper in your recipes lately?”

Me: “Nope.”

Boss: “Okay. Do you have any pepper in your supplies?”

Me: “Maybe. I’m pretty sure I was almost out the last time I needed some.”

Boss: “Okay. Um, do you mind if I check your supplies?”

Me: “Go for it.”

(My boss digs through my container of supplies and does not find any pepper. He thanks me and turns to walk out the door, when I look up to see that my coworker has suddenly appeared.)

Coworker: *to Boss* “DID YOU FIND MY PEPPER?! I KNOW SHE TOOK IT! SHE’S BEEN PLAYING DUMB THIS WHOLE TIME, BUT I KNOW SHE TOOK IT!”

(Apparently, my coworker was convinced that I stole her pepper almost two months ago, and rather than go out and spend a dollar to replace her spices, had been passive-aggressively suggesting that I was the thief. Unfortunately for her, I’m not great at picking up subtle hints, so she’d been whining for no reason! Also, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, as I hadn’t taken her supplies in the first place. We still have not found the pepper.)

(On a particularly slow evening at the registers, I get to witness the following between two fairly close coworkers.)

Coworker #1: *jokingly* “I swear I’m going to punch you!”

Coworker #2: “Do it! I dare you!”

(Coworker #2 then moves towards Coworker #1, at which point he picks up the order dividers for his lane and holds them in a cross shape.)

Coworker #2: “The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!”

Coworker #1: “HA, I’M JEWISH!”

(A few coworkers and I are sitting in the small back room of the restaurant/bakery where we work. We’re all friends and can insult each other without the other getting mad or offended. One of the girls wants a refill on her drink. She is known for being in a bad mood and is a self-proclaimed b****.)

Coworker #1: “[Coworker #2] can you get me a refill? I’ll give you a dollar.”

Coworker #2: *scoffs* “Get it yourself.”

Coworker #1: “But I’m tired and too lazy to do it myself.”

(She continues to whine about a refill and being tired for several minutes.)

Coworker #3: *having had enough of the whining* “Fine, I’ll do it. You don’t even have to give me a dollar.”

Coworker #1: “Fine, do it for free, then.”

(Coworker #3 takes the cup and starts walking out of the room.)

Coworker #2: *holding out his cup* “Well, since you’re already up…”

Coworker #3: “F*** you.”