They Won’t Be In Receipt Of Those Details

, , , , | Working | February 28, 2020

I’m buying a Chromebook which is required for my daughter’s school. After getting the runaround with a few other stores not getting stock in when they promised or trying to upsell me to a laptop I don’t need or want, I just want a computer.

I find a model that suits and I’m in the process of pretty much draining my bank account to pay for the device.

After declining an accidental damage policy that doesn’t cover screen damage, the sales associate starts asking for details like my name, address, email address, etc.

Before he gets too far, I stop him and say that I’m not going to give any of those details.

He states that it’s store policy to get such details, and I tell him that they cannot demand such information due to national privacy regulations.

He says okay and finalises the sale.

As I’m collecting the boxed computer from another counter, the manager, again, tries to ask for personal details. I rather shortly tell him what he can do with his marketing database.

He says, “Okay, but without your details you need to ensure that the receipt is kept safe as it’s the only proof of purchase.”

“Oh,” I respond. “So, it’s like a receipt, then? Like a receipt that I get from every other store?”

We Thought It Was Creepy Pasta, Not Creepy Pizza

, , , , , , , | Romantic | February 28, 2020

It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m working with my shift manager and one other driver. Out of the three of us, I have the lowest rank but the most experience by a long shot, which lets me get away with a lot. It’s usually busy on this holiday as people have stay-in dates or feed babysitters while they go out, and we always get the requests for heart-shaped pizzas, which we don’t offer. We tried one year and it screwed up our times and messed up food cost because they didn’t “look right” and needed to be redone. Today has been no different, as I’ve turned a couple of people down by late lunch.

I come in from a delivery and see my coworker writing on a box in marker. I glance at it and it says something like, “Although I can’t be your Valentine this year, know I will always love you.” I just chuckle and move on until that coworker comes to me and tells me it’s for a customer that will be calling back and the pizza is for his girlfriend, but they’re on a “break.” I stare at her for a few moments and promptly nope my way out of it. I am not getting involved in whatever that is.

She leaves on delivery and I get back to my morning prep work. The phone rings and I answer. Surprise! It’s Mister Romantic. I begin to humor him, thinking I’ll just pass it off to my coworker, until he says it’s supposed to be heart-shaped. I tell him we don’t do that and he says my coworker said we did. 

I ask my shift manager if they want to go through the trouble for this guy and I get a noncommittal response. I go back and tell him no. Then, I find out more of the story.

This guy is living and working in Ohio and is trying to send a heart-shaped pizza and flowers to his — on break — girlfriend’s workplace here in Florida. He begins to tell me that his pizza place in Ohio does it and it’s really easy… blah blah blah… Meanwhile, my brain is putting together all the facts and realizing just how weird and stalkerish this sounds. Scenes of showing up to an unwitting escapee of a relationship and being turned away start playing in my head along with it.

He finishes trying to shame me into making his pizza heart-shaped and I tell him to call back when the coworker that promised it is back if he wants it, but the two of us there at the moment aren’t making it. I get, “I guess if you don’t do it, you don’t do it,” from him and work towards getting off the call.

Afterward, I relate what I learned to my shift manager and they agree that it sounds bad. When my coworker returns, I relate what I learned to her, and she says she knows and thought it was sweet. My manager glance at each other and I tell her, “We think it’s creepy. If he calls back, you can deal with it, but we want no part.” She grumbles a bit but lets it go. 

Fortunately, he never calls back.

I passed this story to some of my friends, and they all agreed. Super creepy.

After Happy Feet Come Happy Eyes

, , , , | Right | February 28, 2020

It is Black Friday, around 6:00 pm, and most of the merchandise that was in the big sale has been gone since about 7:00 in the morning. I have been straightening the store. A male customer in his forties approaches me.

“Can you tell me where [products in the ad] are?”

“I am sorry but I believe all of these have been gone since this morning. It was a very popular item.”

“Well, I was really hoping you had some left. Can you show me where they were so I can make sure they are all gone?”

“Of course. I believe they were in the men’s department.”

*Very awkwardly* “Can I tell you something? Your blue eyes are cuter than a baby penguin in Antarctica.”

“Um… Thanks.”

I call for a coworker who is working in the men’s area who has overheard the exchange.

“This is [Coworker]; he works in the men’s department and can show you where they were.”

After showing the customer that we are, indeed, out of the particular product, he comes back.

“Did that guy just say your eyes were cuter than a baby penguin in Antarctica?”

“Yep, weirdest compliment I have ever received.”

Playing Cat And Mouse With The Dog

, , , , , | Related | February 28, 2020

I’ve recently had surgery and am staying at my parents’ house while recovering. I have been set up on the couch taking my pain meds, falling asleep, and waking up just in time to take my meds again and go right back to sleep. My mother’s dog is older and has a similar sleep schedule. He normally sleeps on the couch, but since we can’t both fit he has been forced to sleep on the recliner, instead.  

One time, I wake up and lean over to grab a water bottle and my medications. Suddenly, I hear the dog’s very distinct “I need to go outside right now or else you need to get a mop” whine. 

I figure I can go open the back door, grab a quick snack while I’m in the kitchen, and then go right back to sleep. So, I stumble into the kitchen, open the door… and hey, dog, where you at?

I look around the kitchen, no dog. I stumble back into the living room, and the dog is on the couch, giving me the “What? You weren’t sitting here” look. 

“Well played, sir, well played.”

My dad wakes me up later asking why I am on the recliner. I look over at the dog, still super comfy.

“He started it.”

That’s when I decide that turnabout is fair play.

“Hey, wanna go for a car ride?”

The dog jumped up, ran for the front door, and then came back a few seconds later with a very confused look on his face. He saw me now spread out on the couch and I swear he gave the deepest sigh ever before he jumped into the recliner.

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Shepherd Book Would Be Ashamed

, , , , , , | Friendly | February 28, 2020

I recently attended a live show of the national tour of The Lion King. As everybody who’s ever attended any kind of show knows, there are signs all over reminding you that no photography or videos are allowed during the show, and they make an announcement just before the show starts. Usually, 99% of the audience has no problems with this and is happy to just immerse themselves in the show. 

This time, however, somebody decided she was above that rule. 

An older woman a couple of rows in front of me was sneaking pictures with her phone, purposely keeping her phone at her lap so as not to get caught. I didn’t want to say anything, because I knew I’d get the age-old excuse, “Mind your own business! It’s not bothering you!” 

At a dark scene, though, she messed up. She must’ve forgotten her flash was set to automatic, because suddenly, it went off with her picture. Several people looked back, and she quickly dropped her phone onto her lap. The kid with her whispered something to her, I’m assuming telling her to knock it off, and she didn’t take another picture.