It’s The Wrong Item, Grommet!

, , , , | | Right | August 19, 2019

Customer: “Do you have those plastic things that go in the holes in desks?”

Me: “Oh, grommets? Unfortunately, we don’t sell them in the store anymore, but you can get them online.”

Customer: “No, I know it’s not a grommet. It’s just a black plastic bit that makes the hole in your desk look nice. You know, where you feed your wires through and stuff.”

Me: “Yes, that’s a grommet. We used to have them in the store, but we don’t anymore.”

Customer: “No, no, it’s not a grommet. It’s for the hole in your desk where you feed your wires. I know you can also get some that have a little flap on them so they can close the hole up completely.”

Me: “Yes, I know exactly what you’re talking about. We don’t have them in the store.”

Customer: “Okay, but what would you call that?”

Me: “A grommet.”

Customer: “No, not a grommet. I can’t think of what it would be called. What would you call it?”

Me: “I would call it a grommet.”

Customer: “But that’s not what it is!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know any other name for them, so I have no idea what I would search if that’s not the name you want to give it. But I know what you’re talking about and we don’t have them. If you need it today, maybe they have them at [Store]?”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll go look. So, if I go there and I need help, what should I tell them I’m looking for?”

Me: *regretfully* “A grommet.”

Nothing Sadder Than Going Out Of Your Way To Bring Others Down

, , , , | | Friendly | August 19, 2019

(I’m a bit of a horror fanatic and own a sizeable collection of horror-movie-themed T-shirts. I just think it’s a fun way to show off my fandom. Typically, nobody really comments on my shirts outside of the occasional “Cool shirt, bro.” But one day, I am in line at a small corner store wearing one of my shirts, which has artwork inspired by a certain iconic horror film from the late 70s. There are a few people in front of me in line, and the person directly in front of me, some college-aged frat-looking dude, turns around and begins talking to me.)

Customer: “Wow, you must be really sad.”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “That movie on your shirt is s***. You must be a really sad person to think you’re so cool wearing that.”

Me: *confused chuckle* “Okay, buddy, whatever you say.”

Customer: “It’s pathetic, you know? You thinking you’re so cool. I can’t imagine how the other kids must treat you at school.”

Me: “Well, I’m 30, so I really couldn’t care what some school kids would think. Now please shut up and leave me alone.”

Customer: “Wow, what a loser. Thinking you’re so cool for having such a s***ty taste in movies and a s***ty shirt.”

Me: *in an annoyed, sarcastic tone* “Yeah, sure… really sucks. I’m so lonely. I don’t know how I can sleep at night.”

Customer: “What kind of pathetic loser goes around in a s***ty shirt like that thinking he’s so cool?”

Me: “Someone who doesn’t care what you think?”

Customer: “What a f****** loser!”

(The customer stepped out of line and just walked out of the store. Thoroughly confused, I went through the line and left, only to be confronted by the customer, who was standing around with a group of friends outside the doors. On cue, they all pointed and laughed at me the entire time I walked to my car, taunting me about my shirt and how much of a loser I am. I’ll genuinely never understand why some people feel such a need to try and make other people feel bad about the things they like. But needless to say, I haven’t stopped wearing the shirts, because screw those guys. I’m not ashamed to like what I like.)

Unable To Bear Christmas Without One

, , , , | | Hopeless | August 19, 2019

(I take my young son to visit Santa. He tells Santa what he wants and then says:)

Son: “And please get my little sister a Bedtime Bubba Bear.”

Santa: “Of course! It is very nice of you to ask for something for your sister.”

(Santa is clearly touched. He winks at me and smiles at the tiny girl I am holding. But I am horrified! This is the “Tickle Me Elmo” of that year. EVERYONE wants that toy and all stores are sold out! The next few days are spent calling stores. No luck. I look in the paper and see several listed in the classified section. Some are outrageously priced. The silly things are expensive to begin with and everyone who has one wants to make a profit, of course. One person is selling two at not too much more than the store price. I call the number and arrange to pick up one of the bears. When I get there, they indeed have the prized bear. I’m a pretty strong woman. I’m tall. I work in a field that, at the time, is dominated by men. But I see that bear and just fall apart!)

Me: “Oh, my! Yes! Finally! I HAD to find one! My son asked Santa to bring this bear to his little sister. His sister is disabled and can’t ask for anything for herself. This may be the last year he believes in Santa. I couldn’t bear to disappoint him. He saw the commercial and said maybe this bear could help his sister learn to talk. Everything at home is about his sister. Therapies. Modifications. He wanted to be able to help, too. I couldn’t let such a kind thought not come to fruition. I just had to find this bear! Thank you!

(The poor lady just looks stunned, having been run over by my word-train.)

Lady: “Um. Oh. That’s really something.”

Me: “Oh, no! I forgot to get change. I only have 20s. I can go to the store and get change if you don’t have any.”

Lady: “No. No, I have change.”

Me: “Oh. Thank you. And, again, sorry for that.”

(I give her five 20s, take the bear, wrap it in my jacket — the kids are actually in the car — and take the change the woman puts in my hand. I thank her again and head out to the car. When I get home, I realize that instead of $15, this woman has given me $40 in change. I call her to let her know I’ll drop the money off on my way to work.)

Me: “Hi. I’m the crazy woman who bought the bear. I’m afraid you got the bills in your wallet shuffled. I got too much change. I’ll swing it by in the morning if that’s okay. I can slide it through your mail slot if that’s too early.”

Lady: “No. You got the right change. Your daughter needs that bear. Your son needs your daughter to have that bear.”

(She hung up. And I cried. My daughter is in her 20s now and has three toys from her youth: the bunny who accompanied her to the hospital for her surgeries, a bunny a sweet lady gave her in the hospital, and Bedtime Bubba.)

That Hasn’t Been Made Up Yet

, , , , | | Right | August 19, 2019

(I work in the health and beauty section of a big-box style store. I overhear the pharmacist direct a customer to a specific aisle, so I stop them to see what they need help finding.)

Me: “Were you guys looking for something in particular?”

Customer: “I’m looking for astringent. [Specific Brand] carries it.”

Me: “Okay, let’s see what we can find.”

(I lead her over to the aisle and can’t find what she is describing.)

Me: “I’m sorry but it looks like we don’t carry that product. What do you use it for? I might be able to offer similar items.”

Customer: “I use it to help my skin since it’s oily, and I also use it before I put on makeup because it helps it stay on better.”

Me: “Wait. Are you looking for a primer or something more like a toner?”

Customer: “What are those?”

Me: “Primer is the first base for putting on makeup. It sometimes has extra benefits for addressing skin concerns, but it just makes the makeup last longer through the day. Toner helps with pores, evening out the skin’s tone, and helps the skin with excess dirt and oil.”

Customer: “I want that.”

Me: “Which one? They are two separate products.”

Customer: “I want one that does both, though.”


Can’t Demolish The Business Model

, , , , | | Right | August 19, 2019

(I have a demolition business, and I get the following call.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Business].”

Customer: “I see you do demolition and I was wondering how it worked.”

Me: “What do you have that needs to be demolished?”

Customer: “A mobile home.”

Me: “Well, we come out and take a look at it, and then let you know how much it would be to do the work and haul off the debris. If you want to proceed with the work, then we would do it.”

Customer: “What, you mean I would have to pay you to get rid of it for me?”

Me: “Yes, that is our business. We do the work for money.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not going to pay to get it done when I can just give it to someone and they can tear it down for free.”

Me: “We are a business that gets paid for our services, but good luck with your project and thanks for calling.”

Customer: “Yeah, not going to pay you to do it, so thanks for nothing.” *click*

(Just wondering why he was calling a professional business in the first place when he had no intention of paying.)

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