All They Can Hear Is Spatula-la-la

(I have the combination of a love of pizza and an unusual allergy to an ingredient used in pepperoni. As such, whenever I end up at the local mall’s food court and get pizza I ask them to use a clean spatula to get my slices to avoid contamination. I’ve literally just watched the employee pick up pepperoni pizza, and the slices of pepperoni that had started to slide off, when he asks for my order.)

Me: “Could I get two slices of cheese please? And I don’t want to sound difficult but I have a food allergy. Could you use a clean spatula?”

Employee: “Sure!” *uses the same spatula he had JUST used to pick up one of my slices*

Me: “Sir, I just saw you use that on the pepperoni. I can’t eat that now.”

Employee: “It didn’t touch it!”

Me: “I LITERALLY just WATCHED you!”

Employee: “What do you want me to do about it?”

Me: “Get a CLEAN spatula, and use THAT for my slices, PLEASE.”

(The employee makes a big huff about having to get a new spatula, while he’s gone another employee asks if I’ve been helped and I explain the situation, the customer next in the line backing up my story. The second apologizes and after I get to the register where a third employee is, this happens.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but do you know if they swapped both slices out or just the one?”

Employee #3: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I have an allergy to the pepperoni, the first guy tried to use the contaminated spatula to get my slices. I just wanted to know if he used a clean spatula so I can actually EAT this.”

Employee #2: *races over* “We used the green one.”

Me: “That’s not what I’m asking.”

Employee #2: “We have the normal one we use for all pizza, and then the green one for the vegetarian.”

Me: “Okay, but was my CONTAMINATED slice swapped out or do I need to worry about getting hives all over my d*** body?”

Employee #1: *racing over as well* “WE USED THE GREEN ONE.”

(At this point I gave up since I’ve already paid, so I just take my pizza and eat. Thankfully, they’d replaced the contaminated slice.)