All Signs Point To No

I am a bouncer at a popular nightclub in the downtown area. A group of young women walk right up to me, ignoring the line.

Woman: “It’s my birthday, today! It would be amazing if the club could get me and my girls in!”

Me: *Pointing to a sign on the wall behind me.* “Fourth point down.”

Woman: “Excuse me?”

Me: “The sign. Bullet point four.”

The women read the sign, give me “a look”, and storm off to the back of the line.

The sign is designed to speed along most disagreements with customers and it says:

• Yes, you need ID to come in.
• Yes, I DO have the right to ask for it.
• Yes, you have to pay cover.
• Happy Birthday, go wait in line like everyone else.
• Yes, I’m taking your bottle you cleverly tried to hide in the front of your pants thinking that my search wouldn’t find it.
• No, you can’t have the pepper spray back.
• Please call the police if you want, on a Saturday night, at 11:30, if you think being told to f*** off is illegal.
• I’m glad you know the DJ. Go wait in line.
• I’m sorry you forgot your ID at home, you’re still not coming in.
• I don’t know how old you are, you still need ID.

Works 99% of the time!