All Manner Of Meat With No Manners

(A customer approaches the deli just as I’m about to shut down the department to clean it. She takes a number and spends the next few minutes looking over the meat selections.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Uh, yes… I would like half a pound of pastrami, please.”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I slice her order and hand it to her. She thanks me and looks at the package. Just as she’s about to turn to leave, she looks at the package.)

Customer: “Excuse me! But this isn’t what I f****** ordered you stupid piece of s***!”

Me: “Ma’am, you asked for pastrami and that’s what I cut for you.”

Customer: *scoffs* “Well, that’s not what this is!” *points at the glass case*

Me: “Are you pointing at the pastrami?”

Customer: “Yes, I am, you dumb a**hole! You should be able to f***** see that!”

Me: “Actually, I can’t. One moment.”

(I walk around the counter to where she’s standing.)

Customer: “See, this is what I want.”

Me: *sigh* “Ma’am, that’s not pastrami you’re pointing at. It’s salami. It clearly says it on the wrapping and on the sign under the product.”

Customer: “I know that, you f****** idiot!”

Me: “If you know that, then why did you ask for pastrami? They’re not even close to being the same product. In fact they’re in different color wrapping.”

Customer: “Hey, stop being an a**hole and give me what I want! You’re making this more difficult than it has to be and you’re wasting my time!”

Me: “Sure, hold on. Please be advised that you are the one that placed the wrong order which is prolonging your stay here.”

Customer: “I don’t f****** care! Hurry up and finish my order!”

(I quickly slice her order as the deli is now closed and I want to go home.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am.”

Customer: “Thank you. Was that so f***** hard?”

Me: “Yes, it was about as hard as reading a sign that says salami and confusing it with pastrami.”