All Is Fair In Love And War

(A friend of mine has told me he’s had feelings for me since the end of last year.)

Me: “That’s sweet of you but… I’m still with [boyfriend].”

Friend: *pause* “You know what I like to think of this?”

Me: “What’s that?”

Friend: “A metaphor of Stalingrad.”

Me: “Stalingrad?”

Friend: “Yeah, because he’s German, and I’m Russian, and you’re like Stalingrad. Both sides are fighting for it to the death, or in this case… to the heartbreak.”

Me: “Th-that… that’s strangely accurate.”

Friend: “I WILL NOT RETREAT. NEVER!”

(Two months after this conversation, I have since stopped seeing my current ex, and have been dating my friend.)