‘All-Inclusive’ Doesn’t Apply To Some Guests

I’m on a solo all-inclusive holiday, mostly to avoid the hassle of finding restaurants while travelling alone. The hotel has “club-style” seating, tables of eight where guests are sat together to “encourage community.”

Last night, I was seated first and already enjoying a glass of wine when a family of five, two parents and three children, joined my table. 

The mother turns to me immediately:

Mother: “We do not wish to expose our children to alcohol.”

Me: *Smiling politely.* “Then perhaps you should ask to move tables. I’ll be finishing my wine.”

They sat down, clearly unhappy, and made a few passive-aggressive remarks about how “sad” it must be to travel alone.

I went up to get food. When I came back, my wine was gone. Shortly after, a waiter came over, looking concerned.

Waiter: “Can I see your wristband, please?”

I show it.

Waiter: “I’m so sorry. That family told us you were underage and had sneaked away from your parents.”

I blink.

Me: “…I’m thirty-three.”

The waiter’s eyes widen, and he quickly apologizes again, then goes off and returns, not just with a fresh glass of wine, but with a wink and impeccable timing.

Waiter: “Should I just bring the bottle?”

Me: “Actually, yes. And maybe a couple of shots of vodka too.”

The waiter returns with both, just as the family arrives back at the table with their food.

I clink the vodka glasses together, smile, and knock them back. 

The mother gasps. The father’s jaw clenches. The parents are about to complain to a waiter again, right in front of me. I’ve had enough and lean in close and whisper to the parents.

Me: “Lady, I am this close to telling your kids this is extra-yummy special juice their parents won’t order for them and letting them do my damage for me. Do not get between a woman and her wine on her holiday.”

They did the sensible thing, basically what I suggested at the beginning. They changed tables.

I ended up having some other tourists sit with me at my table, and we all had a great time, making loud toasts, and drawing the delicious glares of that family, now sitting at a table way in the back.